Well, friends, it's been a while. But such is life! Since, though, this particular subject has been weighing on my heart for weeks, and I had a real life request to keep writing (!), here we are.
Don't worry, when I say "six-week," I do NOT mean I'm going to talk about sex. (To those of you for whom that did not come to mind, it's one of the six-week postpartum checkup allowances...) The closest I'll get to that is what I do with my breasts all day, lol. And I mean ALL DAY.
Which brings me to our subject for this lovely, rainy morning. As you all know, I've always been a strong advocate for stay-at-home moms (henceforth SAHMs). I think it is the most wonderful gift you can give your children: to be the one who actually raises them! But even with my background and personal experience (my mom stayed home until my sister was in 3rd grade), as that "six-week" mark, the official end of maternity leave, approached, I found myself having second thoughts. Not from my desires- I still want nothing more than to snuggle and admire Joshua all day- but from a sense of responsibility to our community, to the world. "I am an intelligent, creative, sometimes inspirational woman, therefore I should be doing more to contribute to society." Right? Isn't that what we're brought up hearing? "What are you going to be when you grow up?" Or even, "What does God want you to do when you grow up?" Rarely is "Be a mom" an acceptable answer to those questions. And even when I got to the point that I started answering honestly, my answer was "Just be a mom" or something similar. Just? JUST be a mom?
Going back to my breasts... I have a part-time job. Feeding and changing a baby, the bare minimum, is a part-time job. (In other news, I am looking for something flexible, preferably baby-friendly, that I could start in the fall. Any suggestions?) Two-month-old babies still eat at least every three hours, and each feeding can take around an hour. And that's not considering chunker babies like mine (97th percentile in weight!), who also decide to start teething already. Those babies have no problem with eating for two hours at a time, one hour apart, every so often. Math-wise, I'm pretty sure that's a part-time job. (Mental math)...Nope, I'm sorry, I'm incorrect. That's already a full-time job! (Minimum of six, one-hour feedings, seven days a week= 42 hours.) And here I am, feeling guilty that all I get done most days is the dishes, laundry, and dinner. One item off my "Spring Cleaning" list has taken me a week and a half to check off. But you know what? Even with all that, I was still having these feelings of "I should be doing more. I should be working, too." Isn't that what our society says? Be productive, be successful as the world sees it, do more, work faster... And here I thought I was so radical and impervious, just by having the desire to be a SAHM.
It's one of the lies the devil tells us. He says we're not good enough, we're not doing enough, and God is obviously asking us to be more. That's not true! When we buy into that kind of thinking, it comes to a point where this quote applies: "If you're too busy to pray, you're too busy." (I can't remember where it actually comes from... Does anybody know?) But truly, when we're trying to do more than that to which God has called us, we are going to start doing too much. Now, I'm not saying our circumstances won't change, and God will never call me to work outside the home again (although it'd be nice), but what in the world is wrong with enjoying being a SAHM? Why shouldn't I relax at home with my baby, as long as I'm being a prudent and supportive wife at the same time? Finally, after almost twenty years of going to school all day, every day, I'm truly living my vocation, and I love it! It is enough. I am enough.
My full-time, excuse me, 24/7 job right now is nurturing a new life, body and soul. Feeding and changing a baby is a full-time job; what I am blessed to get to do is even more. The world gives us this sense of inadequacy if we're not being "productive members of society," and it's difficult for us to rest in our vocations. I'm quite sure Mary never wanted to do more or be more than God called her to; what if she had? We all (particularly me) need to take control of the thoughts that push us out of peace. I know right now Bryant and I are living "the good old days," and I have no intention of wasting them away on these thoughts.
God, help us to be prudent stewards of our thoughts, so they only bring us closer to You.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Joshua Allen's Birth Story and Natural Childbirth
I'm going to be totally honest: I remember very little about Tuesday, April 2, 2013. A) I have a terrible memory in the first place, and B) When women say you forget about the pain of labor as soon as the baby is in your arms, it's true.
However! There are a few highlights (and lowlights) I'd like to share/record for next time, and for if he ever wants to know. (Not too likely.)
It started Monday. Had he waited till Wednesday to make his appearance, we would have officially been two weeks "post-date." (Which, let's be for real here, babies cook at different speeds, it's really a due month, so back off, yo.) In any case, because we were "overdue," we went in for a sonogram just to check things out on Monday afternoon. They give a score for the amniotic fluid, the baby's movements, and a few other things, and our technician told us it looked like an 8/8! Sooo we texted a handful of you to say apparently he was going to be in there a while longer (since I hadn't had any contractions at that point), headed to the mall to get new cell phone plans, and got a phone call from our doctor's office. The nurse told me that apparently the doctor who looks back over the ultrasounds was not as happy with our results and gave us a 4/8 instead and we needed to go into the hospital to be induced that night. Hmm, dramatic difference there, wouldn't you say? (And he came out fine, so I'm pretty sure we could have chilled out a bit.) Sooo we spent probably an hour and a half getting our phones set up (I wasn't in a big hurry to be at the hospital), went home to round up the hospital bag(s) and eat something quick, and headed to St. Joe. (Originally we had planned on the Wesley BirthCare Center, but since we were induced and it was our first, we had to go to a hospital anyway.)
This is the first thing I would remind myself to do differently in the future. At that point, we were obviously trying not to freak out (Oh, my gosh, the baby HAS to be born ASAP!), so I really wanted to finish our task of getting the phones figured out. However, a better plan probably would have been to go home and try some of the natural labor induction techniques we had learned about at our Bradley classes. ALSO I should have eaten more. I knew I should have, but I just wasn't feeling hungry and was in a hurry to get to the hospital by the time we got home, so I just had a few crackers with ham and cheese.
In any case, we made it to the hospital around 8:00, and they inserted Cervadil (meant to get the cervix started; I was barely dilated- which I didn't know, because I didn't want the numbers to be a distraction). It came out halfway through the twelve hours it was supposed to stay in, and Dr. Jensen then recommended Cytotec. Another thing that next time, I'll do more to avoid, but by the grace of God, it did its job safely and kicked me into a normal progression of labor.
Obviously after a great night's rest (ha!), I realized I was having contractions. Some time in the night after the Cytotec was placed, I started feeling crampy, but didn't realize we were on our way until mid-morning. From then on, (as I learned later), I dilated about a centimeter an hour, aided by Bradley relaxation while pacing the room, "slow dancing" with Bryant, leaning over the back of a chair, walking the hall, using the birth ball, and relaxing in the whirlpool. We trusted my body to do its job, and God to get us through safely, and it did and He did! Joshua Allen was born after about fifteen minutes of pushing in the squatting position (NOT lying on my back) at 11:47 P.M. with a head full of hair and ready to try to nurse.
I did skip one part. The part I will DEFINITELY do differently next time. There was an hour and a half in there of trying NOT to push first. The resident checked me and told me I was at a 9, and I needed to wait, and then, when I finally was at a 10, we had to wait another half hour for the doctor. When I was at a 9, my body was 100% ready to push, and next time, if something like that happens, I'm pretty sure I will just tell whoever is in there, "Sorry, not doing that again!" and start pushing, because that was the worst hour and a half of the whole process (I might even say my life!).
Buuuuuuut I still think it's a beautiful story! Bryant and I got to enjoy our baby (I had him skin-to-skin right away) for about an hour while they got me all put back together ("first and a half" degree tear, according to Dr. Jensen) and the room cleaned up (natural childbirth is MESSY and one of the reasons I'm hesitant to consider homebirth, haha), and, SURPRISE, our families were already at the hospital waiting, and had been for hours before we'd even told them to come. Imagine that. But all four grandparents, an aunt, and an uncle all got to see him and hold him before we even moved to the recovery room.
Side note: we had some EXCELLENT nurses. They were very considerate of our birth plan and our vision of the process, stayed out of the way as much as possible, but were there to support when we wanted them. If we do another hospital birth, we will probably be going to St. Joe again.
Speaking of support, my husband. Bryant not only went to twelve weeks of the Bradley Method classes with me, read his homework, and humored me every time I wanted to go back over some detail of the birth plan, he also was there to truly coach me through each contraction. He reminded me to relax, HOW to relax, different positions to try, and why we were doing this in the first place. He told me how well I was doing and how strong I was (although my response to that at one point was, "I don't want to be strong, I want to be done!"), and pretty much was just awesome. I still don't think I've thanked him well enough.
Other than having a rock star for a husband, if you're wanting to have a natural birth, the two things I can tell you are:
However! There are a few highlights (and lowlights) I'd like to share/record for next time, and for if he ever wants to know. (Not too likely.)
It started Monday. Had he waited till Wednesday to make his appearance, we would have officially been two weeks "post-date." (Which, let's be for real here, babies cook at different speeds, it's really a due month, so back off, yo.) In any case, because we were "overdue," we went in for a sonogram just to check things out on Monday afternoon. They give a score for the amniotic fluid, the baby's movements, and a few other things, and our technician told us it looked like an 8/8! Sooo we texted a handful of you to say apparently he was going to be in there a while longer (since I hadn't had any contractions at that point), headed to the mall to get new cell phone plans, and got a phone call from our doctor's office. The nurse told me that apparently the doctor who looks back over the ultrasounds was not as happy with our results and gave us a 4/8 instead and we needed to go into the hospital to be induced that night. Hmm, dramatic difference there, wouldn't you say? (And he came out fine, so I'm pretty sure we could have chilled out a bit.) Sooo we spent probably an hour and a half getting our phones set up (I wasn't in a big hurry to be at the hospital), went home to round up the hospital bag(s) and eat something quick, and headed to St. Joe. (Originally we had planned on the Wesley BirthCare Center, but since we were induced and it was our first, we had to go to a hospital anyway.)
This is the first thing I would remind myself to do differently in the future. At that point, we were obviously trying not to freak out (Oh, my gosh, the baby HAS to be born ASAP!), so I really wanted to finish our task of getting the phones figured out. However, a better plan probably would have been to go home and try some of the natural labor induction techniques we had learned about at our Bradley classes. ALSO I should have eaten more. I knew I should have, but I just wasn't feeling hungry and was in a hurry to get to the hospital by the time we got home, so I just had a few crackers with ham and cheese.
In any case, we made it to the hospital around 8:00, and they inserted Cervadil (meant to get the cervix started; I was barely dilated- which I didn't know, because I didn't want the numbers to be a distraction). It came out halfway through the twelve hours it was supposed to stay in, and Dr. Jensen then recommended Cytotec. Another thing that next time, I'll do more to avoid, but by the grace of God, it did its job safely and kicked me into a normal progression of labor.
Obviously after a great night's rest (ha!), I realized I was having contractions. Some time in the night after the Cytotec was placed, I started feeling crampy, but didn't realize we were on our way until mid-morning. From then on, (as I learned later), I dilated about a centimeter an hour, aided by Bradley relaxation while pacing the room, "slow dancing" with Bryant, leaning over the back of a chair, walking the hall, using the birth ball, and relaxing in the whirlpool. We trusted my body to do its job, and God to get us through safely, and it did and He did! Joshua Allen was born after about fifteen minutes of pushing in the squatting position (NOT lying on my back) at 11:47 P.M. with a head full of hair and ready to try to nurse.
I did skip one part. The part I will DEFINITELY do differently next time. There was an hour and a half in there of trying NOT to push first. The resident checked me and told me I was at a 9, and I needed to wait, and then, when I finally was at a 10, we had to wait another half hour for the doctor. When I was at a 9, my body was 100% ready to push, and next time, if something like that happens, I'm pretty sure I will just tell whoever is in there, "Sorry, not doing that again!" and start pushing, because that was the worst hour and a half of the whole process (I might even say my life!).
Buuuuuuut I still think it's a beautiful story! Bryant and I got to enjoy our baby (I had him skin-to-skin right away) for about an hour while they got me all put back together ("first and a half" degree tear, according to Dr. Jensen) and the room cleaned up (natural childbirth is MESSY and one of the reasons I'm hesitant to consider homebirth, haha), and, SURPRISE, our families were already at the hospital waiting, and had been for hours before we'd even told them to come. Imagine that. But all four grandparents, an aunt, and an uncle all got to see him and hold him before we even moved to the recovery room.
Side note: we had some EXCELLENT nurses. They were very considerate of our birth plan and our vision of the process, stayed out of the way as much as possible, but were there to support when we wanted them. If we do another hospital birth, we will probably be going to St. Joe again.
Speaking of support, my husband. Bryant not only went to twelve weeks of the Bradley Method classes with me, read his homework, and humored me every time I wanted to go back over some detail of the birth plan, he also was there to truly coach me through each contraction. He reminded me to relax, HOW to relax, different positions to try, and why we were doing this in the first place. He told me how well I was doing and how strong I was (although my response to that at one point was, "I don't want to be strong, I want to be done!"), and pretty much was just awesome. I still don't think I've thanked him well enough.
Other than having a rock star for a husband, if you're wanting to have a natural birth, the two things I can tell you are:
- Be informed! Be over-informed! Learn all you can about your body and how it will do its job if you let it. Learn about the "routine interventions" that, sadly, the majority of doctors do but aren't really necessary. We took the Bradley Method classes, which are wonderful and I highly recommend them, but if you can't do that, read "Husband-Coached Childbirth" and "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way."
- Have a birth plan. Obviously you can't do number 2 without doing number 1, but having it laid out helps you to have realistic expectations (if you're informed), and gives your hospital staff something concrete to work from. Have your doctor approve your birth plan before you go in to have the baby, so you know everything on it is allowed/not against any policies.
Of course, nobody can promise everything will go according to your birth plan. Being induced definitely wasn't on ours. But when something does need to be altered, it's definitely good to have something to come back to.
And #3 would have to be: Do it! It's better for your baby and it's better for you, (unless you're the small percentage of actual complications) and it's a real initiation experience into womanhood! Very empowering, and a very huge blessing.
Fulfillment
Being a mom is the best. Don't get me wrong, I love being a wife, but this is a totally new level of vocation. Any of you who know me (and I doubt anyone who doesn't know me is reading this... Yet! Maybe someday I'll become a super popular blogger- ha!) know that I have always wanted to be a mom. Gosh, even I don't remember when that started, but I do know in high school, I used to tell people I wanted "five to eighteen kids, but preferably eight to twelve." Well, folks, one down, four to seventeen to go! Apparently after labor, or with sleep deprivation, a lot of women second guess expanding their families, but honestly, I can't wait to do it again!
I've been thinking about Josh's baptism, when he received his vocation. A quote from one of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally: "...when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." I really feel that applies to our vocations, too. When we find out the way God has planned for us to achieve sainthood, we should be excited about it, and ready to start as soon as possible. And even if we're not, sooner or later, we get to the point where I am now and can say, "Sure, my life was great before, but now, WOW! It's going to be awesome!"
I remember in high school, going through the "religious life?" crises that all devout Catholic girls do, and coming up with *reasons* I was called to marriage. We all know God doesn't always work like that, but, hey, it's my personality. Like trying to come up with reasons to defend the way we're choosing to parent, instead of just doing it. But anyway. I came up with things like having a good relationship with my dad and brother (which obviously means I couldn't be a religious... not), and how I'd always loved children (I'd wager that most sisters and nuns love children!), and other silly things like that. Now that I know better... I'm still doing it! Oh, humanity. But this time, it's recognizing ways that God created me to be a mother.
Maybe it's just so that I would have motivation to continue (hoping the next would be as good as this one), but, guys, I wouldn't change a thing about my pregnancy and delivery. Sure, I was exhausted the first trimester (couldn't have had anything to do with the first year of teaching, though), and had some heartburn towards the end, but overall, it was picture perfect. And sure, we had to be induced, and not the ways I would have planned, and natural childbirth is messy and challenging (more on that later), but I truly felt informed and in control of the process, and amazed and how well our bodies work if we just get out of the way. These experiences (along with comments from the doctors and nurses involved) have led me to believe that not only has my heart been primed for motherhood, my body was created for it, too. And yes, every woman's body was created for motherhood, but some of us, God alone knows why, have bodies that embrace it! I had no morning sickness, very slight touches of the other "pregnancy symptoms," nothing at all unbearable. And that may absolutely be because God knows what a weakling I am. Or it may be because once this kid hits toddlerhood or his teens, he'll make up for it. But even now, five and a half weeks into it, I can't imagine anything going any more perfectly or easily. (Labor aside= Not easy!)
In other words, consolation. Reaffirmation of my vocation.
Friday, May 3, 2013
"Crunchy"
I recently came across this word in one of our natural childbirth videos, and now I'm hearing it everywhere! I used to call it hippie, and still do sometimes, jokingly, around friends who probably wouldn't recognize "crunchy." If you're one of those people, crunchy refers to people who make natural and/or eco-friendly lifestyle choices.
I'll be honest, our- okay, mostly my- crunchy choices come more from priorities of health and financial stability, rather than concern for the environment. Maybe eventually I'll be more convicted in that area. Bryant is supportive, but he's kind of along for the ride.
I'd say at this point we're beginner or first tier crunchy. Most of the things I'd consider most crunchy about our household have to do with Baby Joshua/parenting. Starting with NFP! I'd consider Natural Family Planning kind of crunchy, considering all the inauthentic options, although of course our motivation for it is more on the moral/spiritual realm. The same with the Bradley Husband-Coached Natural Childbirth Method: we started the classes because I had an emotional desire for a natural birth, not because I necessarily wanted to avoid drugs at all costs. As the classes went, and I became more educated, my motivation widened and deepened, but that's another soapbox! Now, there are all the parenting choices. Cloth diapering, ecological breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping... things that are normal in other cultures, but foreign to us. (I could go on a soapbox on each of those, too, but for now, we'll just make a list.)
Now, I could go either way at this point: all the things I wish we did, or some of the small things we are already doing... I guess I'll start with the worst one: We don't recycle! Gasp! Sooo not crunchy. I used to in Emporia, but since we moved here, I haven't found out where to drop things off and such. Terrible excuse, I know. But I suppose it can go on the short-term goal list.
Anyway, I guess my question is (to borrow from the Sweet Cheeks facebook post): Do you consider yourself crunchy? What are some of your goals for crunchiness?
I'll be honest, our- okay, mostly my- crunchy choices come more from priorities of health and financial stability, rather than concern for the environment. Maybe eventually I'll be more convicted in that area. Bryant is supportive, but he's kind of along for the ride.
I'd say at this point we're beginner or first tier crunchy. Most of the things I'd consider most crunchy about our household have to do with Baby Joshua/parenting. Starting with NFP! I'd consider Natural Family Planning kind of crunchy, considering all the inauthentic options, although of course our motivation for it is more on the moral/spiritual realm. The same with the Bradley Husband-Coached Natural Childbirth Method: we started the classes because I had an emotional desire for a natural birth, not because I necessarily wanted to avoid drugs at all costs. As the classes went, and I became more educated, my motivation widened and deepened, but that's another soapbox! Now, there are all the parenting choices. Cloth diapering, ecological breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping... things that are normal in other cultures, but foreign to us. (I could go on a soapbox on each of those, too, but for now, we'll just make a list.)
Now, I could go either way at this point: all the things I wish we did, or some of the small things we are already doing... I guess I'll start with the worst one: We don't recycle! Gasp! Sooo not crunchy. I used to in Emporia, but since we moved here, I haven't found out where to drop things off and such. Terrible excuse, I know. But I suppose it can go on the short-term goal list.
- Start recycling again
- Make laundry detergent
- Find less scary alternatives to typical household cleaners
- Continue improving food choices (including less going out)
Anyway, I guess my question is (to borrow from the Sweet Cheeks facebook post): Do you consider yourself crunchy? What are some of your goals for crunchiness?
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