The Six-Week Guilt

Well, friends, it's been a while. But such is life! Since, though, this particular subject has been weighing on my heart for weeks, and I had a real life request to keep writing (!), here we are.

Don't worry, when I say "six-week," I do NOT mean I'm going to talk about sex. (To those of you for whom that did not come to mind, it's one of the six-week postpartum checkup allowances...) The closest I'll get to that is what I do with my breasts all day, lol. And I mean ALL DAY.

Which brings me to our subject for this lovely, rainy morning. As you all know, I've always been a strong advocate for stay-at-home moms (henceforth SAHMs). I think it is the most wonderful gift you can give your children: to be the one who actually raises them! But even with my background and personal experience (my mom stayed home until my sister was in 3rd grade), as that "six-week" mark, the official end of maternity leave, approached, I found myself having second thoughts. Not from my desires- I still want nothing more than to snuggle and admire Joshua all day- but from a sense of responsibility to our community, to the world. "I am an intelligent, creative, sometimes inspirational woman, therefore I should be doing more to contribute to society." Right? Isn't that what we're brought up hearing? "What are you going to be when you grow up?" Or even, "What does God want you to do when you grow up?" Rarely is "Be a mom" an acceptable answer to those questions. And even when I got to the point that I started answering honestly, my answer was "Just be a mom" or something similar. Just? JUST be a mom?

Going back to my breasts... I have a part-time job. Feeding and changing a baby, the bare minimum, is a part-time job. (In other news, I am looking for something flexible, preferably baby-friendly, that I could start in the fall. Any suggestions?) Two-month-old babies still eat at least every three hours, and each feeding can take around an hour. And that's not considering chunker babies like mine (97th percentile in weight!), who also decide to start teething already. Those babies have no problem with eating for two hours at a time, one hour apart, every so often. Math-wise, I'm pretty sure that's a part-time job. (Mental math)...Nope, I'm sorry, I'm incorrect. That's already a full-time job! (Minimum of six, one-hour feedings, seven days a week= 42 hours.) And here I am, feeling guilty that all I get done most days is the dishes, laundry, and dinner. One item off my "Spring Cleaning" list has taken me a week and a half to check off. But you know what? Even with all that, I was still having these feelings of "I should be doing more. I should be working, too." Isn't that what our society says? Be productive, be successful as the world sees it, do more, work faster... And here I thought I was so radical and impervious, just by having the desire to be a SAHM. 

It's one of the lies the devil tells us. He says we're not good enough, we're not doing enough, and God is obviously asking us to be more. That's not true! When we buy into that kind of thinking, it comes to a point where this quote applies: "If you're too busy to pray, you're too busy." (I can't remember where it actually comes from... Does anybody know?) But truly, when we're trying to do more than that to which God has called us, we are going to start doing too much. Now, I'm not saying our circumstances won't change, and God will never call me to work outside the home again (although it'd be nice), but what in the world is wrong with enjoying being a SAHM? Why shouldn't I relax at home with my baby, as long as I'm being a prudent and supportive wife at the same time? Finally, after almost twenty years of going to school all day, every day, I'm truly living my vocation, and I love it! It is enough. I am enough. 

My full-time, excuse me, 24/7 job right now is nurturing a new life, body and soul. Feeding and changing a baby is a full-time job; what I am blessed to get to do is even more. The world gives us this sense of inadequacy if we're not being "productive members of society," and it's difficult for us to rest in our vocations. I'm quite sure Mary never wanted to do more or be more than God called her to; what if she had? We all (particularly me) need to take control of the thoughts that push us out of peace. I know right now Bryant and I are living "the good old days," and I have no intention of wasting them away on these thoughts.

God, help us to be prudent stewards of our thoughts, so they only bring us closer to You.