Baby #2

JUST KIDDING!!! But it's related.

Well, I'll slap this up there just to catch the tail end... 
As excited as I am about NFP Awareness Week, I was torn about writing an NFP post... until I read this one by Kendra at Catholic All Year. Her post helped me realize that even if you're not currently practicing it to a "t," you're still allowed to write about it!

Bryant and I have recently re-discussed (or re-re-re-re-discussed) our current reasons to use NFP to postpone pregnancy. (I know the term is "avoid," but I prefer postpone, at least for our situation.) And, while our savings account is closer to replacing an appliance or two than ready for a down payment on a house, we've decided to take a break from charting. (Notice I didn't say NFP in general.) Our method right now is taking advantage of the ecological breastfeeding side effect of prolonged infertility. That could end in two and a half months (the point at which it starts to decrease from 99% effectiveness), ten months (the average length of infertility for women who practice ecological breastfeeding), or four years! (Sound unlikely, but apparently happens for a few women?) While ecological breastfeeding for the sake of infertility could be done with a contraceptive mindset as easily as NFP, it is another method that is accepted, and even encouraged by the Church (not well, obviously).

When Bryant and I were engaged, I just assumed we needed to learn NFP and we would use it to postpone at least the first couple years of marriage. (The typical, responsible things all young, married Catholics right out of college do.) We went to all our FertilityCare (Creighton Model) meetings, got used to the charting, and, at the end of each meeting when our practitioner always asked how we planned to use the method once we were married, we answered "to avoid pregnancy."
Then came the honeymoon.
And I hate to say it that way, because even at the time, I was concerned what people would think. So just to get it out there: no! Joshua was not conceived in a moment of unthinking, honeymoon-induced passion. There, I said it. As a matter of fact, (TMI alert!!! Skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to know...) I had my first fertile sign of that cycle on the wedding day, so, poor Bryant, as responsible NFP practicers, we did not have a "wedding night" in that sense.

But anyway. Little did I know, although we had discussed and discussed (how much I had always wanted a baby, how we felt it would be a good idea to get out of debt before I got pregnant...), Bryant wasn't as on board with the "me-teaching-two-years-and-paying-everything-off-first" idea. (And how glad I am!) Being such a considerate and patient husband already (three days into it) he waited until we were well into the relaxation of the honeymoon to spring the idea of NOT waiting on me. Ha. Haha. Something I didn't even know about myself: after making and rearranging my pros and cons lists (by worldly priority, and spiritual, and who knows what all else), I came around to Bryant's way of thinking, and "stress-watched" TV. You know how some people "stress-eat" or "stress-sleep"? Well, I turn my brain off by watching stupid TV shows. I think it was King of Queens. Good times.

To be clear, Bryant's way of thinking was simply this: we didn't have a serious reason to postpone. If you couldn't tell by the prior reference to list-making, I'm a planner. I organize, I talk things out, I rearrange, I schedule. (If only I had the follow-through! But I'm working on it.) In my mind, having a plan was enough of a serious reason! But, thankfully, Bryant helped me understand that this was a God-inspired idea (as if you couldn't tell that just by looking at Josh). And so our "how we planned to use the method" changed.

Nine months later! Isn't he cute? 

Coming back to the present... I can tell you, trying to do Natural Family Planning (of any kind) while breastfeeding is difficult. Add to it the challenge I already had of a "continuous mucus cycle" that didn't respond to a super-vitamin or progesterone, and you have one frustrated mommy!  At our first NFP meeting after Josh was born, I had just learned about ecological breastfeeding and was all gung-ho about wanting to find out when my fertility would return. I wanted to know if I would be the typical fourteen months, or longer, or shorter, or way longer... and I "thought" that was a serious enough reason to "use the method to postpone." (Of course, you all reading this probably can recognize the flaw in my train of thought.) The Catholic Church states (2368) that married couples can use Natural Family Planning to space children for "just" (serious, grave) reasons. Well, let me tell you, if money's not a serious enough reason for us (at this time), then waiting for my fertility to return is certainly superfluous! 
But what brought me to this conclusion (if you didn't get the drift, Bryant is always waiting on me- in more ways than this!) was my emotions! As women, we're always fighting to control them, to eliminate the negative ones, to hide them... but here's an example of a negative one that wasn't just there to annoy me. I mentioned earlier that my cycle makes charting difficult, not to mention breastfeeding, and I was frustrated. It's true! Very frustrated. Because it is difficult to find a baseline, and decipher the rest of everything, and I am still not expecting my fertility to return for at least two more months (via the 99% statistic). So I was frustrated. I realized (by the grace of God- I hadn't really brought it to prayer, but He brought it to me!) that my emotions were telling me something. NFP is such a great tool, and it does so many good things for marriages, and infertility, why in the world would I (gasp!) hate it? Well, I came to the conclusion that I *should* feel thankful. And if we had been using it for a just, grave, serious reason (like health, or dire financial straits, or whatever situation), I WOULD feel thankful. I would tell God "Thank You" for the method while I was observing and charting, and mean it. I can tell Him "Thank You" now for other people, but not necessarily for me.

In conclusion, NFP is freeing. It's freeing when it's a tool you desperately need to heal your marriage, or support your family, and it's freeing when you realize you really don't need it! And, right now, it's freeing me to worry about other things rather than charting, and freeing our family to be ready for whenever the next blessing comes around! (Hopefully in a package with PINK bows this time, haha.)

Boobies

From merriam-webster.com:
"Definition of breast
either of the pair of mammary glands extending from the front of the chest in pubescent and adult human females and some other mammals"

Nothing about modesty... lingerie... nothing at all about sex, amazingly enough.

An excerpt from the conversation that spurred this post:

"I nursed (without a cover) in the corner of the bookstore today. It was so nice. I was facing the wall, but still.
...I feel more comfortable with it in public than with family. I've decided my brother can get over it (he has), but I don't feel like I can decide that for Bryant's dad and brother, and my uncles..."

The function of breasts is to nourish and comfort children. (Notice I didn't just say "feed babies," but that's for another post.) We know that by God's obvious design! 

We went to the Guadalupe Clinic Wingnuts baseball game for Father's Day. I'm not going to say it was HOT!, but it was less than comfortable in the shade. Josh wanted to nurse, but how would you feel about drinking in a tiny, steamy tent?
And during my lunch in the hospital cafeteria while visiting Bryant's grandma; that could have been a LOT easier without trying to manage a fork, water bottle cap, napkin, baby, AND cover.

Convenience aside, I came across this poll: http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?p=6637108  but I'm interested in your opinions.

"It's just hard: we want breastfeeding to stop being sexualized, but who's going to do it (for my seminarian brother-in-law) if I don't?
...Is it leading men into a near occasion of sin/temptation? Or is it bringing things back to God's original design? Or both? And which is more important?"

Who doesn't want to see that?

So that is what I'll leave you with...

The Six-Week Guilt

Well, friends, it's been a while. But such is life! Since, though, this particular subject has been weighing on my heart for weeks, and I had a real life request to keep writing (!), here we are.

Don't worry, when I say "six-week," I do NOT mean I'm going to talk about sex. (To those of you for whom that did not come to mind, it's one of the six-week postpartum checkup allowances...) The closest I'll get to that is what I do with my breasts all day, lol. And I mean ALL DAY.

Which brings me to our subject for this lovely, rainy morning. As you all know, I've always been a strong advocate for stay-at-home moms (henceforth SAHMs). I think it is the most wonderful gift you can give your children: to be the one who actually raises them! But even with my background and personal experience (my mom stayed home until my sister was in 3rd grade), as that "six-week" mark, the official end of maternity leave, approached, I found myself having second thoughts. Not from my desires- I still want nothing more than to snuggle and admire Joshua all day- but from a sense of responsibility to our community, to the world. "I am an intelligent, creative, sometimes inspirational woman, therefore I should be doing more to contribute to society." Right? Isn't that what we're brought up hearing? "What are you going to be when you grow up?" Or even, "What does God want you to do when you grow up?" Rarely is "Be a mom" an acceptable answer to those questions. And even when I got to the point that I started answering honestly, my answer was "Just be a mom" or something similar. Just? JUST be a mom?

Going back to my breasts... I have a part-time job. Feeding and changing a baby, the bare minimum, is a part-time job. (In other news, I am looking for something flexible, preferably baby-friendly, that I could start in the fall. Any suggestions?) Two-month-old babies still eat at least every three hours, and each feeding can take around an hour. And that's not considering chunker babies like mine (97th percentile in weight!), who also decide to start teething already. Those babies have no problem with eating for two hours at a time, one hour apart, every so often. Math-wise, I'm pretty sure that's a part-time job. (Mental math)...Nope, I'm sorry, I'm incorrect. That's already a full-time job! (Minimum of six, one-hour feedings, seven days a week= 42 hours.) And here I am, feeling guilty that all I get done most days is the dishes, laundry, and dinner. One item off my "Spring Cleaning" list has taken me a week and a half to check off. But you know what? Even with all that, I was still having these feelings of "I should be doing more. I should be working, too." Isn't that what our society says? Be productive, be successful as the world sees it, do more, work faster... And here I thought I was so radical and impervious, just by having the desire to be a SAHM. 

It's one of the lies the devil tells us. He says we're not good enough, we're not doing enough, and God is obviously asking us to be more. That's not true! When we buy into that kind of thinking, it comes to a point where this quote applies: "If you're too busy to pray, you're too busy." (I can't remember where it actually comes from... Does anybody know?) But truly, when we're trying to do more than that to which God has called us, we are going to start doing too much. Now, I'm not saying our circumstances won't change, and God will never call me to work outside the home again (although it'd be nice), but what in the world is wrong with enjoying being a SAHM? Why shouldn't I relax at home with my baby, as long as I'm being a prudent and supportive wife at the same time? Finally, after almost twenty years of going to school all day, every day, I'm truly living my vocation, and I love it! It is enough. I am enough. 

My full-time, excuse me, 24/7 job right now is nurturing a new life, body and soul. Feeding and changing a baby is a full-time job; what I am blessed to get to do is even more. The world gives us this sense of inadequacy if we're not being "productive members of society," and it's difficult for us to rest in our vocations. I'm quite sure Mary never wanted to do more or be more than God called her to; what if she had? We all (particularly me) need to take control of the thoughts that push us out of peace. I know right now Bryant and I are living "the good old days," and I have no intention of wasting them away on these thoughts.

God, help us to be prudent stewards of our thoughts, so they only bring us closer to You.