Dear Hunter Hayes, You suck.

I'm sorry, Hunter; really it's not your fault. You're just internalizing and regurgitating the fluffiness our society has fed you. If you haven't heard his song "I Want Crazy," it's pretty catchy, but full of bad theology.

The song is about infatuation. I'm not against infatuation! It's a fun season, and, let's be honest, makes high school a little more bearable. What I have a problem with is that for so many infatuation is where it ends. Please, name for me a chick flick that doesn't end before the honeymoon's over. It ends with "Oh, my gosh, you're so wonderful, we're meant to be together, mush mush mush." Now, I love emotion and sappiness as much as the next girl (and probably cry about it more than the next girl), but it's NOTHING next to the love God expects of us.

I have a few single friends I've talked to lately about this. Sure, I "had my heart broken," but I've always felt I had (sometimes WAY deep down) a pretty good outlook on relationships. And I can tell you why.
As far back as I can remember, my dad would tell me to "save my heart for my husband." Introducing emotional chastity before it becomes an issue was incredibly healthy for me. He also told me (several times; he repeats himself, like most dads) about a girl he had dated before my mom with whom he still believed he could have had a happy marriage. How unromantic! For the longest time, I thought that was offensive to my mom. I understand now, but as little as I understood then, it helped develop my subconscious unbelief in "soul mates." I still don't believe you can marry the wrong person. You can definitely discern badly and marry someone who will make your life more difficult than necessary.

Here comes a lot of honesty. My relationship with Bryant began with me being pursued. It didn't start with me thinking, "Oh, he's so dreamy and cute blah blah blah" and wondering if he was ever going to call me. As a matter of fact, by society's standards, our "love story" was pretty boring. We were friends, he asked me (and my dad) if we could date. We got engaged, got married, had a baby... History! Like I said, my outlook on relationships, being as realistic as a blue girl can be, prepared me for a "boring" relationship.

It's never felt boring, BUT it's very rarely felt like a pop song or a chick flick. I've heard of those being called "porn for girls," and I 100% agree with that! The picture of a relationship being dramatic and based on emotions and "romance" is NOT what girls today need, especially with people starting to date younger and younger.

Relationships should not be "crazy," as Hunter describes as desirable. Relationships should be based on a shared relationship with God and the potential spouses' families, and a mutual commitment to similar priorities and goals. And, of course, most of all, a desire for the other's holiness and eternal happiness (heaven). Early in life, girls should be influenced by the way their mother respects their father, and gives him respect even if he doesn't always deserve it. Young boys should be impressed by the love with which their fathers treat their mothers, giving an example of true masculinity the way God intended it: protecting and providing for their wives, physically AND emotionally. And, of course, vice versa. Marriage is the prime example of God's love for His people and Jesus' relationship with the Church; how much high-school relationship material do you see in those?

I guess what I'm saying is boring is exciting and holy. Crazy is temporary and unsatisfying. You get me?

Baby #2

JUST KIDDING!!! But it's related.

Well, I'll slap this up there just to catch the tail end... 
As excited as I am about NFP Awareness Week, I was torn about writing an NFP post... until I read this one by Kendra at Catholic All Year. Her post helped me realize that even if you're not currently practicing it to a "t," you're still allowed to write about it!

Bryant and I have recently re-discussed (or re-re-re-re-discussed) our current reasons to use NFP to postpone pregnancy. (I know the term is "avoid," but I prefer postpone, at least for our situation.) And, while our savings account is closer to replacing an appliance or two than ready for a down payment on a house, we've decided to take a break from charting. (Notice I didn't say NFP in general.) Our method right now is taking advantage of the ecological breastfeeding side effect of prolonged infertility. That could end in two and a half months (the point at which it starts to decrease from 99% effectiveness), ten months (the average length of infertility for women who practice ecological breastfeeding), or four years! (Sound unlikely, but apparently happens for a few women?) While ecological breastfeeding for the sake of infertility could be done with a contraceptive mindset as easily as NFP, it is another method that is accepted, and even encouraged by the Church (not well, obviously).

When Bryant and I were engaged, I just assumed we needed to learn NFP and we would use it to postpone at least the first couple years of marriage. (The typical, responsible things all young, married Catholics right out of college do.) We went to all our FertilityCare (Creighton Model) meetings, got used to the charting, and, at the end of each meeting when our practitioner always asked how we planned to use the method once we were married, we answered "to avoid pregnancy."
Then came the honeymoon.
And I hate to say it that way, because even at the time, I was concerned what people would think. So just to get it out there: no! Joshua was not conceived in a moment of unthinking, honeymoon-induced passion. There, I said it. As a matter of fact, (TMI alert!!! Skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to know...) I had my first fertile sign of that cycle on the wedding day, so, poor Bryant, as responsible NFP practicers, we did not have a "wedding night" in that sense.

But anyway. Little did I know, although we had discussed and discussed (how much I had always wanted a baby, how we felt it would be a good idea to get out of debt before I got pregnant...), Bryant wasn't as on board with the "me-teaching-two-years-and-paying-everything-off-first" idea. (And how glad I am!) Being such a considerate and patient husband already (three days into it) he waited until we were well into the relaxation of the honeymoon to spring the idea of NOT waiting on me. Ha. Haha. Something I didn't even know about myself: after making and rearranging my pros and cons lists (by worldly priority, and spiritual, and who knows what all else), I came around to Bryant's way of thinking, and "stress-watched" TV. You know how some people "stress-eat" or "stress-sleep"? Well, I turn my brain off by watching stupid TV shows. I think it was King of Queens. Good times.

To be clear, Bryant's way of thinking was simply this: we didn't have a serious reason to postpone. If you couldn't tell by the prior reference to list-making, I'm a planner. I organize, I talk things out, I rearrange, I schedule. (If only I had the follow-through! But I'm working on it.) In my mind, having a plan was enough of a serious reason! But, thankfully, Bryant helped me understand that this was a God-inspired idea (as if you couldn't tell that just by looking at Josh). And so our "how we planned to use the method" changed.

Nine months later! Isn't he cute? 

Coming back to the present... I can tell you, trying to do Natural Family Planning (of any kind) while breastfeeding is difficult. Add to it the challenge I already had of a "continuous mucus cycle" that didn't respond to a super-vitamin or progesterone, and you have one frustrated mommy!  At our first NFP meeting after Josh was born, I had just learned about ecological breastfeeding and was all gung-ho about wanting to find out when my fertility would return. I wanted to know if I would be the typical fourteen months, or longer, or shorter, or way longer... and I "thought" that was a serious enough reason to "use the method to postpone." (Of course, you all reading this probably can recognize the flaw in my train of thought.) The Catholic Church states (2368) that married couples can use Natural Family Planning to space children for "just" (serious, grave) reasons. Well, let me tell you, if money's not a serious enough reason for us (at this time), then waiting for my fertility to return is certainly superfluous! 
But what brought me to this conclusion (if you didn't get the drift, Bryant is always waiting on me- in more ways than this!) was my emotions! As women, we're always fighting to control them, to eliminate the negative ones, to hide them... but here's an example of a negative one that wasn't just there to annoy me. I mentioned earlier that my cycle makes charting difficult, not to mention breastfeeding, and I was frustrated. It's true! Very frustrated. Because it is difficult to find a baseline, and decipher the rest of everything, and I am still not expecting my fertility to return for at least two more months (via the 99% statistic). So I was frustrated. I realized (by the grace of God- I hadn't really brought it to prayer, but He brought it to me!) that my emotions were telling me something. NFP is such a great tool, and it does so many good things for marriages, and infertility, why in the world would I (gasp!) hate it? Well, I came to the conclusion that I *should* feel thankful. And if we had been using it for a just, grave, serious reason (like health, or dire financial straits, or whatever situation), I WOULD feel thankful. I would tell God "Thank You" for the method while I was observing and charting, and mean it. I can tell Him "Thank You" now for other people, but not necessarily for me.

In conclusion, NFP is freeing. It's freeing when it's a tool you desperately need to heal your marriage, or support your family, and it's freeing when you realize you really don't need it! And, right now, it's freeing me to worry about other things rather than charting, and freeing our family to be ready for whenever the next blessing comes around! (Hopefully in a package with PINK bows this time, haha.)

Boobies

From merriam-webster.com:
"Definition of breast
either of the pair of mammary glands extending from the front of the chest in pubescent and adult human females and some other mammals"

Nothing about modesty... lingerie... nothing at all about sex, amazingly enough.

An excerpt from the conversation that spurred this post:

"I nursed (without a cover) in the corner of the bookstore today. It was so nice. I was facing the wall, but still.
...I feel more comfortable with it in public than with family. I've decided my brother can get over it (he has), but I don't feel like I can decide that for Bryant's dad and brother, and my uncles..."

The function of breasts is to nourish and comfort children. (Notice I didn't just say "feed babies," but that's for another post.) We know that by God's obvious design! 

We went to the Guadalupe Clinic Wingnuts baseball game for Father's Day. I'm not going to say it was HOT!, but it was less than comfortable in the shade. Josh wanted to nurse, but how would you feel about drinking in a tiny, steamy tent?
And during my lunch in the hospital cafeteria while visiting Bryant's grandma; that could have been a LOT easier without trying to manage a fork, water bottle cap, napkin, baby, AND cover.

Convenience aside, I came across this poll: http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?p=6637108  but I'm interested in your opinions.

"It's just hard: we want breastfeeding to stop being sexualized, but who's going to do it (for my seminarian brother-in-law) if I don't?
...Is it leading men into a near occasion of sin/temptation? Or is it bringing things back to God's original design? Or both? And which is more important?"

Who doesn't want to see that?

So that is what I'll leave you with...

Fulfillment

Being a mom is the best. Don't get me wrong, I love being a wife, but this is a totally new level of vocation. Any of you who know me (and I doubt anyone who doesn't know me is reading this... Yet! Maybe someday I'll become a super popular blogger- ha!) know that I have always wanted to be a mom. Gosh, even I don't remember when that started, but I do know in high school, I used to tell people I wanted "five to eighteen kids, but preferably eight to twelve." Well, folks, one down, four to seventeen to go! Apparently after labor, or with sleep deprivation, a lot of women second guess expanding their families, but honestly, I can't wait to do it again!

I remember in high school, going through the "religious life?" crises that all devout Catholic girls do, and coming up with *reasons* I was called to marriage. We all know God doesn't always work like that, but, hey, it's my personality. Like trying to come up with reasons to defend the way we're choosing to parent, instead of just doing it. But anyway. I came up with things like having a good relationship with my dad and brother (which obviously means I couldn't be a religious... not), and how I'd always loved children (I'd wager that most sisters and nuns love children!), and other silly things like that. Now that I know better... I'm still doing it! Oh, humanity. But this time, it's recognizing ways that God created me to be a mother.

Maybe it's just so that I would have motivation to continue (hoping the next would be as good as this one), but, guys, I wouldn't change a thing about my pregnancy and delivery. Sure, I was exhausted the first trimester (couldn't have had anything to do with the first year of teaching, though), and had some heartburn towards the end, but overall, it was picture perfect. And sure, we had to be induced, and not the ways I would have planned, and natural childbirth is messy and challenging (more on that later), but I truly felt informed and in control of the process, and amazed and how well our bodies work if we just get out of the way. These experiences (along with comments from the doctors and nurses involved) have led me to believe that not only has my heart been primed for motherhood, my body was created for it, too. And yes, every woman's body was created for motherhood, but some of us, God alone knows why, have bodies that embrace it! I had no morning sickness, very slight touches of the other "pregnancy symptoms," nothing at all unbearable. And that may absolutely be because God knows what a weakling I am. Or it may be because once this kid hits toddlerhood or his teens, he'll make up for it. But even now, five and a half weeks into it, I can't imagine anything going any more perfectly or easily. (Labor aside= Not easy!) 

In other words, consolation. Reaffirmation of my vocation. 

I've been thinking about Josh's baptism, when he received his vocation. A quote from one of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally: "...when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." I really feel that applies to our vocations, too. When we find out the way God has planned for us to achieve sainthood, we should be excited about it, and ready to start as soon as possible. And even if we're not, sooner or later, we get to the point where I am now and can say, "Sure, my life was great before, but now, WOW! It's going to be awesome!"