To new (or struggling) moms, on Mothers' Day.
(I know, I know. Three whole Mothers' Days... I must be an expert already. :P But here's my developing philosophy and, hopefully, wisdom I have been blessed with so far.)
Motherhood is the most instinctive, rewarding thing I have ever done. Following those instincts (while requiring selflessness you never knew possible) makes the experience so much simpler. Go to your baby! Nurse your baby! (Again.) Hold your baby! Sleep close to your baby! If there's even the slightest possibility, sacrifice, more than you thought you could, to be home with them as much as you can while they are young. Society says that everything else you do is more important than being a mother; don't believe that lie.
God knew what He was doing when He created babies and their needs. You are NOT spoiling them, and they are NOT manipulating you. God did not provide parents to "train" their children. We are here to allow them to grow into themselves, and to guide them by our example. (Maybe the hardest part.)
Do your best to be the unique version of motherhood your children need. They will help you (even though it might not feel quite like that's what they're doing...).
Listen to your mommy intuition, and trust your child. There is nothing more comforting at the end of the day than to know you made your choices based on what you believed was best for your family, regardless of the societal norm and others' opinions. If you're questioning something "everybody does," research it! Find peace in information that supports your hunches.
Even better than information is support. Seek out moms who are making similar choices, and moms who have "been there, done that." Having real, live people (even if they're virtual conversations) of whom to ask questions is *invaluable.* Knowing you are not alone in your struggles and insecurity makes everything much more bearable.
...Now, I'm not quite sure how to close this, because it was originally just supposed to be a facebook status, but I kept typing. Oh, well. Happy Mothers' Day!
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
An Unspoken Battle
The female body is so incredible. The more I learn about birth, breastfeeding, babies' instincts... the more in awe I become of God's design.
However.
When it comes to my particular anatomy, I am more than frustrated. A woman's ability to conceive and carry children is part of her innermost identity, and when there are deficiencies or obstacles to her body working properly, it affects more than her physical being. Even with regular recourse to our Creator (as imperfect as it may be), that flaw in her femininity can make maintaining confidence and peace in every area of her life a struggle.
Let's go back a bit.
During our engagement preparation, Bryant and I learned the Creighton Method of Natural Family Planning. And I am so grateful. Through charting, we were able to identify my progesterone deficiency and treat it with a bioidentical supplement (called Prometrium) just in time for the wedding aka honeymoon baby aka our greatest miracle, Josh. Although I had a little trouble accepting the intervention, I am SO incredibly thankful that we did not have to go through the trials many couples face in order to identify low progesterone. The *standard* way of identifying low progesterone is to suffer the loss of at least two babies before a conventional doctor will even consider looking for a cause. God knows I am too weak and sinful (at least so far) to deal well with a tragedy like that, so He allowed us to find and take advantage of NaPro Technology.
Once Josh was born (many of you witnesses can attest to this), our way of life began to change, erring more towards the "natural" side of things. Yes, I became a hippie. We use cloth diapers, see a chiropractor, have all but emptied our home of chemicals, buy mostly organic, and all that jazz. Up until recently, I was holding onto hope that those changes would be enough allow my body to boost and balance its own hormone production.
Unfortunately, that has not been the case. After nineteen months of lactational amenorrhea (Praise God for THAT fantastic design!), I began cycling and thus charting again. One sign of low progesterone I have been observing is a short post-peak phase.
This is where it gets tricky.
Many women experience several odd cycles post-partum before their body regulates itself. This can be either before or after the child has weaned. (Josh is still nursing, which is another active player in the dance of my hormones.) Had I not previously been diagnosed with low progesterone, I wouldn't have given a strange cycle another thought. Because I was, though, the NaPro doctor I had been communicating with gave me a new prescription for Prometrium without even seeing me. And that just rubbed me the wrong way.
In the two years since Josh was born, I have had lots of discussions and done quite a bit of research (not all on facebook mommy groups) about natural hormone balancing. So, clearly, that's the next step for me, right? If only it were that simple.
Medical care providers who are familiar with:
are few and far between. May I even say nonexistent? I have had a few suggestions from friends, but so far those have been strikeouts, either because of out-of-network expense (RIDICULOUS! Health insurance is a joke for people who seek alternative options.) or just logistics/lack of experience in this tiny niche. So here I am. Unbalanced. Searching.
I guess the real point of all of this is to ask for prayers. This is another area of my life that has been deeply shaken by this situation. Not that I'm questioning God or faith or anything like that. Just that I'm not even sure what to pray for. Why is it that we fearlessly ask God for spiritual gifts and healing, but when it comes to something like this, we wonder if it is the right thing to ask for? Of course God, my loving Father, desires my body to work as He created it to! My struggle now is accepting the way He has planned for that to happen... A miraculous, instantaneous recovery would be my ideal, of course. But not likely.
Something I've picked up from my Familia training (group for Catholic mothers of young children) is a question to ask in trials. Instead of asking, "Why?" as we are so inclined to do, we should be asking, "How?" How is God asking me to grow from this? In which virtue am I called to grow in this situation?
Maybe I'm supposed to be asking for the humility to accept the Prometrium (which, to me, feels like a band-aid- covering up instead of fixing the problem). Maybe I'm supposed to be asking for self-control to make the harder lifestyle changes that may allow my body to heal itself. (As I sit here eating cookies.) Maybe I just need to grow in patience and trust, that when God has another child to give us (I pray, I PRAY that He does), my body will show us. In any case, I truly appreciate your prayers.
However.
When it comes to my particular anatomy, I am more than frustrated. A woman's ability to conceive and carry children is part of her innermost identity, and when there are deficiencies or obstacles to her body working properly, it affects more than her physical being. Even with regular recourse to our Creator (as imperfect as it may be), that flaw in her femininity can make maintaining confidence and peace in every area of her life a struggle.
Let's go back a bit.
During our engagement preparation, Bryant and I learned the Creighton Method of Natural Family Planning. And I am so grateful. Through charting, we were able to identify my progesterone deficiency and treat it with a bioidentical supplement (called Prometrium) just in time for the wedding aka honeymoon baby aka our greatest miracle, Josh. Although I had a little trouble accepting the intervention, I am SO incredibly thankful that we did not have to go through the trials many couples face in order to identify low progesterone. The *standard* way of identifying low progesterone is to suffer the loss of at least two babies before a conventional doctor will even consider looking for a cause. God knows I am too weak and sinful (at least so far) to deal well with a tragedy like that, so He allowed us to find and take advantage of NaPro Technology.
Once Josh was born (many of you witnesses can attest to this), our way of life began to change, erring more towards the "natural" side of things. Yes, I became a hippie. We use cloth diapers, see a chiropractor, have all but emptied our home of chemicals, buy mostly organic, and all that jazz. Up until recently, I was holding onto hope that those changes would be enough allow my body to boost and balance its own hormone production.
Unfortunately, that has not been the case. After nineteen months of lactational amenorrhea (Praise God for THAT fantastic design!), I began cycling and thus charting again. One sign of low progesterone I have been observing is a short post-peak phase.
This is where it gets tricky.
Many women experience several odd cycles post-partum before their body regulates itself. This can be either before or after the child has weaned. (Josh is still nursing, which is another active player in the dance of my hormones.) Had I not previously been diagnosed with low progesterone, I wouldn't have given a strange cycle another thought. Because I was, though, the NaPro doctor I had been communicating with gave me a new prescription for Prometrium without even seeing me. And that just rubbed me the wrong way.
In the two years since Josh was born, I have had lots of discussions and done quite a bit of research (not all on facebook mommy groups) about natural hormone balancing. So, clearly, that's the next step for me, right? If only it were that simple.
Medical care providers who are familiar with:
- natural hormone balancing
- natural-term breastfeeding
- Natural Family Planning
are few and far between. May I even say nonexistent? I have had a few suggestions from friends, but so far those have been strikeouts, either because of out-of-network expense (RIDICULOUS! Health insurance is a joke for people who seek alternative options.) or just logistics/lack of experience in this tiny niche. So here I am. Unbalanced. Searching.
I guess the real point of all of this is to ask for prayers. This is another area of my life that has been deeply shaken by this situation. Not that I'm questioning God or faith or anything like that. Just that I'm not even sure what to pray for. Why is it that we fearlessly ask God for spiritual gifts and healing, but when it comes to something like this, we wonder if it is the right thing to ask for? Of course God, my loving Father, desires my body to work as He created it to! My struggle now is accepting the way He has planned for that to happen... A miraculous, instantaneous recovery would be my ideal, of course. But not likely.
Something I've picked up from my Familia training (group for Catholic mothers of young children) is a question to ask in trials. Instead of asking, "Why?" as we are so inclined to do, we should be asking, "How?" How is God asking me to grow from this? In which virtue am I called to grow in this situation?
Maybe I'm supposed to be asking for the humility to accept the Prometrium (which, to me, feels like a band-aid- covering up instead of fixing the problem). Maybe I'm supposed to be asking for self-control to make the harder lifestyle changes that may allow my body to heal itself. (As I sit here eating cookies.) Maybe I just need to grow in patience and trust, that when God has another child to give us (I pray, I PRAY that He does), my body will show us. In any case, I truly appreciate your prayers.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
In and Out
*This is a bit of a tribute to two friends who were my inspiration to pick blogging back up. (Even if just for today!)*
Like most areas of my life, this blogging thing is quite cyclical... I suppose if I had more of a following, I might be more consistent, but as it is, I don't mind letting it slip through the cracks most of the time. I do the same amongst weeks of reading, meal-planning, crafty projects, even laundry and dishes! (I'll be honest: it's rare that dishes DON'T get neglected.) You just can't be on top of everything every week. Or, (as Darci says: http://missdarci.blog.com/2014/06/07/super-mom/ ), you can't be SuperMom! But it's also like my grandma's plaque says: "This house is clean enough to be healthy and messy enough to be happy!"Maybe being SuperMom just means being the best version of ourselves. Some ways I've heard it said are: "To be holy is to be uniquely you." or "To be perfect is to change often." To tie this into the other post that revitalized my desire to blog (Erin's: honeymrsmommycoachmarshall.wordpress.com/2014/06/09/who-am-i/ ), being your version of SuperMom requires lots of self-knowledge and some self-pampering! From my new literature of mommy blogs, I recognize that loneliness and loss of identity is common for us! I mean, I *know* I used to like to read and dance and sit around at Starbucks, talking to friends. But I can't tell you the last time I've done one of those things, at least the ways I used to. As Erin concludes, it's just another season! And in each season, different roles take priority.
It's a drastic change to go from the season of independence and "self-discovery" (college) straight into a season of nearly 100% self-sacrifice (with varying degrees of honeymoon in between). A few Mays ago you might have found me napping (okay, not that different than today). But at that time I had plenty of time to visit with friends, read whole books at a time for leisure, take a shower on my own time (the height of luxury!), and no way would you find me meal-planning! Now any spare time I have, and most leisure activities, are geared directly or indirectly towards the sanctification of myself and my family. (Okay, other than taking hot baths and baking desserts. Although I could probably philosophize my way around those, too!) For example, the books I'm reading now are The Power of a Praying Wife and Brideshead Revisited. The first is pretty self-explanatory, but the second, a novel, I'm reading with a threefold purpose: first, because it led to the conversion of a fellow mommy blogger; second, because it's a classic and I'm looking ahead to homeschooling; and finally, third, I hope I might enjoy it!
As trying as this season can be, I know the leisure time of empty nesters' season will come with its own sense of loneliness. So, for now, let's focus our skills and talents on the sanctification of ourselves and our families. But don't forget to do a little rekindling of interests and leisure activities for your own enjoyment, because, as I've also read, "You cannot give what you do not have!"
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Ten Favorites (or Five Favorites take two times two)
Well, I missed a day... So we'll just call this two (or three) posts in one!
Thanks to MoxieWife (http://moxiewife.com/2014/02/five-favorites-vol-48/.html) and housewifespice (http://www.housewifespice.com/2014/02/wwrw-best-books-about-new-babies.html?m=1) for hosting the link-ups!
Five Favorite Qualities of My Husband
-1-
Patience
Bryant has an unending store of patience for me. Enough for the both of us, as I have less than plenty for myself. But, even when I ask him how he puts up with me, he tells me it's never "putting up." Aw , so sweet!
-2-
His strong desire to do what's best for our family
I don't know that I need to add much to this one; it's pretty self-explanatory.
-3-
His passion for sports
Whaaaaat? Okay, I have to be honest: this one is misleading. I'm glad his passion is watching sports teams and not video games or gambling or any other number of much more relationship-damaging options.
Although his enthusiasm and the loyalty he gives to his teams are reassuringly transferable!
-4-
His fun-loving heart
Bryant is always ready for a joke or a game of cards. ...I could do without a little of the competitiveness, but overall, he's a fun guy to be around!
-5-
His centered-ness on the Faith
While we can always do better on praying together, I always know we're coming from the same basic place in moral and theological (and most other) discussions. It makes things SO much easier that he trusts and is knowledgable about the Church's teachings. I wouldn't have the leader of my family any other way!
Which leads me to Part Two of this post: What We're Reading Wednesday!
I've started this book a few times already, but I'm going to use it for a Lenten meditation this year. Hopefully I'll make it through! The Power of a Praying Wife is part of Stormie Omartian's series, including The Power of a Praying Husband and The Power of a Praying Parent. Each chapter introduces one way you can pray for your spouse (his reputation, his health, his finances), and then explain why and how you would want to do that. It's a really great gift for a new bride! (And I assume new husband and parent.)
Now here's the fun part. Josh heard about the Five Favorites link-up, and he wanted in on it! So without further ado, Joshua's Five Favorites.
-1-
The "nummies"
-2-
Being naked
-3-
Knocking over towers of tissue boxes
-4-
Throwing balls at who-knows-what
-5-
Eating things off the floor
My son, ladies and gentlemen.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Dixciteouragement
Nope. Not a word. But how I'm feeling! (A combination of excitement and discouragement.) BeCAUSE (excitement) we are looking at buying a house! But (discouragement) that means we will have to tighten our budget even more than we already have.
I'm just going to start this out by saying financial prudence is one of my most challenging weaknesses, mainly for two reasons. First, I feel greatly convicted by knowledge. Ex. "Regular visits to the chiropractor help boost the immune system? Josh HAS to have that!" "Grass-fed butter has more vitamins and nutrients? Well, why would we use any other kind?" The other reason is that sometimes I just don't have a strong grasp of the concrete realities of our budget. Ex. Buying things in bulk because it's a better deal without seeing how much is left in checking...
So now that we're looking at a house (more on that later), the ethereal budget to which I've given an occasional, fleeting thought is going to need to become a familiar friend with whom I live every day. The biggest area of improvement (other than spontaneous purchases/eating out) needs to be the grocery bill.
Just the thought of that is overwhelming. Many of you know that over the past two years, I've "gotten really into" the real/organic/whole food idea, and I'm not willing to drop that just because we need to spend less money. It's what's best for our family, even if it is more expensive. But I know if I have some accountability and encouragement, I can stick to a budget AND continue to feed my family well!
I've already had some discouragement this morning in a place I was searching for inspiration! There's a "100 Days of Real Food" blog, and she did an "On a Budget" series. Unfortunately, her weekly budget of $125 is painfully close to what our monthly budget is likely to be!
So, tell me. How much do you spend on groceries, for how many people? And what percent would you say is real food? (Unprocessed, natural, homemade, etc.)
Monday, February 24, 2014
Momiform Progress!
This might be a cheat, because this post will be mostly pictures. Oh, well!
A few weeks ago I was inspired to revamp my wardrobe with clothes appropriate to my new state in life. Here are a few snapshots of success days! (No judging, you fashionistas. Success, for now, means something other than sweats and a t-shirt!)
I know. My expressions are camera-worthy. You don't have to tell me.
Also, those spots on my bathroom mirror... Figments of your imagination.
Have you ever had the urge to simplify and update your wardrobe? I'm loving it! (Ba-da-bap-bap-ba!)
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Seven Quick Takes #1 Or "Boxes, Cloth, and Demons"
Well, friends, it's Friday! My first Quick Takes (hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary-another of my favorites!)
http://www.conversiondiary.com
Thanks, Jen!
-1-
Today also happens to be a Familia day! Familia is a program for "Mothers of Young Children." Each year, we read a church document on motherhood, marriage, or femininity; this year's is JPII's Familiaris Consortio. We meet every two weeks to discuss, and while, like every group, we started off slow, I'm really happy with the way we're coming together this semester! It's so nice to have a supportive group of women for whom faith is a strong priority.
-2-
Shopping addiction
You know the feeling when the doorbell rings and you open the door to see that fabulous brown package? It's kind of my favorite. I might have a spending problem. As much as I try to only buy what is absolutely necessary for my family's well-being, there are just so many fun and shiny things that I just KNOW will make our lives healthier/easier/better. I'm a sucker, even without real advertising. Maybe it's my great imagination. I create my own mental advertising! Catered specifically to my weaknesses, of course.
-3-
Cloth transition
This week has just happened to be a big one in our "natural/sustainability" journey! My mom helped cut up t-shirt scraps for Josh's wipes, and we had enough left over to start family cloth! (If you don't know... don't ask.) We have some "unpaper" towels and reusable plastic baggies on their way to us, AND the fabric for our cloth napkins is washed and ready to go!
-4-
Out of groceries
A plus of the "freezer cooking" fad comes with weather like this! I planned to go to the grocery store this week, buuuut it's been pretty yucky out there. So we've started cleaning out the freezer. Usually I use the slow cooker meals for days when my babysitting boys are here, but they were nice to have for snow days, too! Cilantro Lime Chicken- two thumbs up!
-5-
Surprise vacation
Speaking of my babysitting boys, apparently I have two weeks off! Their family goes to Florida every winter, and we hadn't really communicated about it well until last week. I've got all kinds of project ideas! (Probably too many; I'll need to pray for realistic expectations!) I'm open to suggestions, but here are a few:
•replacing the elastic in some of Josh's diapers
•working on my t-shirt quilt (VERY in progress... but I took a few months off for Christmas projects
•make our cloth napkins
•refill our freezer! (including lunches for Bryant)
•organize our basement- it's a scary place...
•maybe work ahead on Bradley and PSR plans! But, really, how likely is that?
-6-
"Style and the SAHM"
http://thisfelicitouslife.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/style-and-the-stay-at-home-mom-the-quest-begins/
This link leads you to the beginning of a series that became a project for me this week. For those of you who get my Facebook updates, I posted one about dressing like a hobo. Just to prove I wasn't exaggerating, my dad was surprised that I was "already dressed"... at 9:30 this morning when he stopped by to visit. So the good news is a change has happened!
Thanks to the inspiration of the above post, I have a trash bag full of clothing in our hallway to rid myself of. I'll probably share more about my "minimalistic momiform" in it's own post soon, but just know I'm excited to no longer be dressing like a slob!
-7-
"A Screwtape Letter for the Unappreciated Mom"
http://www.organizinglifewithlittles.com/2014/01/26/for-the-unappreciated-mom/
I ADORE this post. Many wonderful people write about things moms need to watch out for: not spending time with your husband, not taking time for prayer and to rest... but none of them have hit home for me the way this one does. Every word was written just for me.
And it's a good note and reminder on which to begin the weekend!
My First *Five Favorites*!
So I missed the Wednesday part of the link-up... But anywho, here's the link to one of my favorite Catholic Mommy Bloggers- MoxieWife.
http://moxiewife.com/2014/02/five-favorites-vol-46/.html
(Thanks for hosting, and for all your insightful and touching posts on marriage! Hopefully I'll be more on time next week!)
-1-
Fuzzy Socks
Our heater never got above 65 yesterday (fixed now, thanks), and I was so thankful for my fuzzy pink socks! (I have four pairs- all pink, if you were wondering.)
-2-
Snow days with my hubby!
'Nuff said
-3-
T-shirt headbands
Thanks to #2, I had a little time to work on frivolous, crafty projects. If you can't tell, I can barely fit them all on my head.
They stay put better than my comfortable ones, and they look cuter than the ones that stay!
The cool, knotted one:
http://happyhourprojects.com/no-sew-braided-headband-tutorial-from-blog-of-the-week-we-like-to-learn-as-we-go/
The thicker, braided one:
http://www.makeit-loveit.com/2011/06/repurposing-tshirts-into-5-strand-braided-headbands.html
-4-
Apple-Oat Cookies
Guys, I'm not exaggerating when I say I only had two-thirds of the ingredients for this recipe. Not enough brown sugar, no baking soda, no applesauce, no whole wheat flour... But I improvised! And they're delicious. She calls them "Breakfast Cookies." Ha! More like "Hourly Cookies." Even Bryant likes them! And, let me tell you, he's a traditional cookie kind of guy. Imagine if I actually followed the recipe!
http://www.preventionrd.com/2013/03/meatless-monday-giant-whole-wheat-apple-oat-breakfast-cookies/
-5-
Phil Vassar
Now, I wouldn't say Phil is my "favorite" artist, and this might even be kind of an un-favorite because of the circumstances, but Bryant and I were planning our Valentine's date to his concert tonight! Wait, it gets cuter. Guess what concert we went to on our honeymoon? Phil Vassar! (You're such good guessers.) Too bad it's postponed until May because of the weather...
And there you have it! My first (not-so) link-up! Whoo hoo!
Monday, February 3, 2014
Re-Introduction
Hey, all!
So, as consistent as I am in real life (not very!), I'm obviously that much better at blogging on a regular basis. I figured, though, there's no time like the present to start trying again! Because I used to actually be a pretty good writer, believe it or not. And I think my life is worth writing about, even if nobody reads it.
So, for my own reference, here are a few subjects I might blather on about in the future:
Jane Austen
Easy babies
Sustainability
DIY projects and products (Don't expect any high level of craftsmanship, here.)
Edible food!/journey toward whatever "healthy" means these days
Developments in the world of birth and parenting
The spiritual life of one SAHM
Building a "minimalist momiform" (a la Laura at This Felicitous Life)
Whatever suits my fancy!
I'd like to join some link-ups as we go along as well:
What I Wore Sunday with Fine Linen and Purple
Five Favorites with Moxie Wife
Seven Quick Takes with Conversion Diary
And maybe more!
So here's to the reopening of a blog that (almost) nobody read in the first place. Cheers!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Judgment: Part I
I have weaknesses. (Not that this is news to anyone.) Ask Bryant or my dad! I am an inconsistent mess when it comes to money management, I procrastinate and never truly do my best on projects (lesson plans, etc.), and I judge. Judging in and of itself is not a flaw! (More on that later.) I absolutely believe human beings are created to judge (right from wrong, safe from dangerous, healthy from unhealthy, etc.), but when it becomes less than charitable or moves from the "sin" to the "sinner," it requires improvement.
Bear with me on a spiritual journey.
I read this "mom blog" post yesterday about why their family chooses to homeschool. She addressed the common myth of socialization, but rather than simply saying "We do all these things/My kids have friends and are not shy" and leaving it at that, she explained why they DON'T want their kids "'socialized' in public school." Her main theme was that different becomes bad ("weird"), and after those experiences, many kids (and adults) live their lives feeling like they have to prove something to the bullies. That resonated very deeply for me. Like many, I had an awful middle school experience. I went to a school where sports were cool and 11-year-olds had "boyfriends." Needless to say, I wasn't involved in any of that. I did dance classes, choir, and Scholar's Bowl and loved going to church camp. And that was how you spelled L-O-S-E-R. My parents did a great job convincing me I was beautiful, smart, and musically talented, but the school atmosphere taught me that it was better to be cute/hot, "cool," and athletic.*
I had a great high school experience. My parents allowed me to choose to go to Bishop Carroll (where I knew a handful of people), and after the first rough weeks of transition, I never looked back. I found people who were interested in some of the things I was interested in (Liturgy Club, choir, etc.) who seemed to like me. It's been a healing process, for sure. I spent years and years secretly wondering if the people who hung out with me really liked me, or if they just put up with me because they had to.
Even now, it's hard for me to think of people I went to middle school with (and more than a few high school classmates) positively. Typically, it's an "Oh, I hope she's changed" or "Ha, I'm married and graduated and they're not." Yes, I understand those are terrible things to think, and I usually feel bad and consider that their paths to holiness are different than mine and try not to be such a... mean-hearted woman. The point is, we're all wounded.
And this is why I judge. My whole life I've had to fight for people to understand that different is okay. That my interests have value. And now, since I'm far from mainstream in my parenting choices, that my decisions are sound. I still have that voice in my head saying "You're not doing what everyone else is doing; you're not like them, so you're different. And different is wrong. Different is bad." I've always had to fight, sometimes other people and their impressions, and sometimes the voice in my head, for "weird" to be "okay."
In the most recent examples, I've heartily researched our parenting decisions. I've researched until I decided there was no better way for us to do the things we are doing. I want people's approval (which I didn't get in middle school), so I think that means they need to make the same choices as me. I'm afraid if we're not "the same," they won't like me.
I know this is somewhat illogical. But it's why, if I'm sharing or explaining something I know is not "normal," I'm already subconsciously defensive. Because I care about you and I want us to be on the same team.
To be continued...
Bear with me on a spiritual journey.
I read this "mom blog" post yesterday about why their family chooses to homeschool. She addressed the common myth of socialization, but rather than simply saying "We do all these things/My kids have friends and are not shy" and leaving it at that, she explained why they DON'T want their kids "'socialized' in public school." Her main theme was that different becomes bad ("weird"), and after those experiences, many kids (and adults) live their lives feeling like they have to prove something to the bullies. That resonated very deeply for me. Like many, I had an awful middle school experience. I went to a school where sports were cool and 11-year-olds had "boyfriends." Needless to say, I wasn't involved in any of that. I did dance classes, choir, and Scholar's Bowl and loved going to church camp. And that was how you spelled L-O-S-E-R. My parents did a great job convincing me I was beautiful, smart, and musically talented, but the school atmosphere taught me that it was better to be cute/hot, "cool," and athletic.*
I had a great high school experience. My parents allowed me to choose to go to Bishop Carroll (where I knew a handful of people), and after the first rough weeks of transition, I never looked back. I found people who were interested in some of the things I was interested in (Liturgy Club, choir, etc.) who seemed to like me. It's been a healing process, for sure. I spent years and years secretly wondering if the people who hung out with me really liked me, or if they just put up with me because they had to.
Even now, it's hard for me to think of people I went to middle school with (and more than a few high school classmates) positively. Typically, it's an "Oh, I hope she's changed" or "Ha, I'm married and graduated and they're not." Yes, I understand those are terrible things to think, and I usually feel bad and consider that their paths to holiness are different than mine and try not to be such a... mean-hearted woman. The point is, we're all wounded.
And this is why I judge. My whole life I've had to fight for people to understand that different is okay. That my interests have value. And now, since I'm far from mainstream in my parenting choices, that my decisions are sound. I still have that voice in my head saying "You're not doing what everyone else is doing; you're not like them, so you're different. And different is wrong. Different is bad." I've always had to fight, sometimes other people and their impressions, and sometimes the voice in my head, for "weird" to be "okay."
In the most recent examples, I've heartily researched our parenting decisions. I've researched until I decided there was no better way for us to do the things we are doing. I want people's approval (which I didn't get in middle school), so I think that means they need to make the same choices as me. I'm afraid if we're not "the same," they won't like me.
I know this is somewhat illogical. But it's why, if I'm sharing or explaining something I know is not "normal," I'm already subconsciously defensive. Because I care about you and I want us to be on the same team.
To be continued...
(Aren't you curious where this was going? Me, too. I started it months ago and can't really remember what the conclusion was supposed to be. Any suggestions?)
*I don't EVER want Josh to feel that way. I want him to know that it's AWESOME that God created him to be such a unique blend of baseball/violin/patience/history or tap dancing/math/public speaking/bike riding or whatever he ends up interested in, and that those things are what will make him holy and happy in life. This will, certainly, play into our school decision-making when the time comes.
*I don't EVER want Josh to feel that way. I want him to know that it's AWESOME that God created him to be such a unique blend of baseball/violin/patience/history or tap dancing/math/public speaking/bike riding or whatever he ends up interested in, and that those things are what will make him holy and happy in life. This will, certainly, play into our school decision-making when the time comes.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Dear Hunter Hayes, You suck.
I'm sorry, Hunter; really it's not your fault. You're just internalizing and regurgitating the fluffiness our society has fed you. If you haven't heard his song "I Want Crazy," it's pretty catchy, but full of bad theology.
The song is about infatuation. I'm not against infatuation! It's a fun season, and, let's be honest, makes high school a little more bearable. What I have a problem with is that for so many infatuation is where it ends. Please, name for me a chick flick that doesn't end before the honeymoon's over. It ends with "Oh, my gosh, you're so wonderful, we're meant to be together, mush mush mush." Now, I love emotion and sappiness as much as the next girl (and probably cry about it more than the next girl), but it's NOTHING next to the love God expects of us.
I have a few single friends I've talked to lately about this. Sure, I "had my heart broken," but I've always felt I had (sometimes WAY deep down) a pretty good outlook on relationships. And I can tell you why.
As far back as I can remember, my dad would tell me to "save my heart for my husband." Introducing emotional chastity before it becomes an issue was incredibly healthy for me. He also told me (several times; he repeats himself, like most dads) about a girl he had dated before my mom with whom he still believed he could have had a happy marriage. How unromantic! For the longest time, I thought that was offensive to my mom. I understand now, but as little as I understood then, it helped develop my subconscious unbelief in "soul mates." I still don't believe you can marry the wrong person. You can definitely discern badly and marry someone who will make your life more difficult than necessary.
Here comes a lot of honesty. My relationship with Bryant began with me being pursued. It didn't start with me thinking, "Oh, he's so dreamy and cute blah blah blah" and wondering if he was ever going to call me. As a matter of fact, by society's standards, our "love story" was pretty boring. We were friends, he asked me (and my dad) if we could date. We got engaged, got married, had a baby... History! Like I said, my outlook on relationships, being as realistic as a blue girl can be, prepared me for a "boring" relationship.
It's never felt boring, BUT it's very rarely felt like a pop song or a chick flick. I've heard of those being called "porn for girls," and I 100% agree with that! The picture of a relationship being dramatic and based on emotions and "romance" is NOT what girls today need, especially with people starting to date younger and younger.
Relationships should not be "crazy," as Hunter describes as desirable. Relationships should be based on a shared relationship with God and the potential spouses' families, and a mutual commitment to similar priorities and goals. And, of course, most of all, a desire for the other's holiness and eternal happiness (heaven). Early in life, girls should be influenced by the way their mother respects their father, and gives him respect even if he doesn't always deserve it. Young boys should be impressed by the love with which their fathers treat their mothers, giving an example of true masculinity the way God intended it: protecting and providing for their wives, physically AND emotionally. And, of course, vice versa. Marriage is the prime example of God's love for His people and Jesus' relationship with the Church; how much high-school relationship material do you see in those?
The song is about infatuation. I'm not against infatuation! It's a fun season, and, let's be honest, makes high school a little more bearable. What I have a problem with is that for so many infatuation is where it ends. Please, name for me a chick flick that doesn't end before the honeymoon's over. It ends with "Oh, my gosh, you're so wonderful, we're meant to be together, mush mush mush." Now, I love emotion and sappiness as much as the next girl (and probably cry about it more than the next girl), but it's NOTHING next to the love God expects of us.
I have a few single friends I've talked to lately about this. Sure, I "had my heart broken," but I've always felt I had (sometimes WAY deep down) a pretty good outlook on relationships. And I can tell you why.
As far back as I can remember, my dad would tell me to "save my heart for my husband." Introducing emotional chastity before it becomes an issue was incredibly healthy for me. He also told me (several times; he repeats himself, like most dads) about a girl he had dated before my mom with whom he still believed he could have had a happy marriage. How unromantic! For the longest time, I thought that was offensive to my mom. I understand now, but as little as I understood then, it helped develop my subconscious unbelief in "soul mates." I still don't believe you can marry the wrong person. You can definitely discern badly and marry someone who will make your life more difficult than necessary.
Here comes a lot of honesty. My relationship with Bryant began with me being pursued. It didn't start with me thinking, "Oh, he's so dreamy and cute blah blah blah" and wondering if he was ever going to call me. As a matter of fact, by society's standards, our "love story" was pretty boring. We were friends, he asked me (and my dad) if we could date. We got engaged, got married, had a baby... History! Like I said, my outlook on relationships, being as realistic as a blue girl can be, prepared me for a "boring" relationship.
It's never felt boring, BUT it's very rarely felt like a pop song or a chick flick. I've heard of those being called "porn for girls," and I 100% agree with that! The picture of a relationship being dramatic and based on emotions and "romance" is NOT what girls today need, especially with people starting to date younger and younger.
Relationships should not be "crazy," as Hunter describes as desirable. Relationships should be based on a shared relationship with God and the potential spouses' families, and a mutual commitment to similar priorities and goals. And, of course, most of all, a desire for the other's holiness and eternal happiness (heaven). Early in life, girls should be influenced by the way their mother respects their father, and gives him respect even if he doesn't always deserve it. Young boys should be impressed by the love with which their fathers treat their mothers, giving an example of true masculinity the way God intended it: protecting and providing for their wives, physically AND emotionally. And, of course, vice versa. Marriage is the prime example of God's love for His people and Jesus' relationship with the Church; how much high-school relationship material do you see in those?
I guess what I'm saying is boring is exciting and holy. Crazy is temporary and unsatisfying. You get me?
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Progress
I just want to take a moment to celebrate baby steps. (No, not literally; we've got a few months yet for that!) I went to the Farmers' Market and Dillons today and came home with hormone- and antibiotic-free beef and chicken, selectively organic produce, no bread products (because I'm making them at home), and just a handful of other items. This is a huge transformation from not too many months ago when we were buying frozen meals and canned goods (which I now try to make myself, as well). I'm just really proud of the work I've done to help my family be good stewards of our bodies. I know winter will make it more of a challenge, but I'm taking advantage of this moment to just be thankful.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Goals
I love everything about being a mom. Including the "I had something I wanted to write about the other day, but Josh started having more trouble with his teething so I totally forgot," and other excuses. But especially waking up from co-naps on warm days and just having that really good nap/cuddle feeling.
Oh! I think it was goals. Goals are what I was going to talk about.
It's crazy, how your productivity and outlook changes when you have a little person for whom you are solely (while Dad's at work) responsible. To be honest, I still have a lot of goals. I just don't really put them in unnecessary time frames anymore. I used to have this crazy organization in which I had a list of urgent and flexible to-dos, and sometimes specific times to do them, etc. Now, my main goal for the day is to drink enough water. Did you know people are supposed to drink half an ounce of water for every pound they weigh every day? And I'll tell you, that put me close to 100 oz. of water when I was pregnant. It's a lot, lot more than "they" say: "8 cups." (Well, unless you're my mom or my friend Angelica who actually weigh less than 120 lbs. In any case, I've been doing well on that these past couple days because I have a 33.8 oz smartwater bottle and I just tell myself I need to drink about three of them a day. (No, I don't still weigh 180-something; the extra is for nursing.) Isn't it interesting how one tiny thing can make a big difference? The water has been one of my goals, gosh, for several years now. It was a New Year's resolution, then more recently a pregnancy thing, and now a nursing thing. But maybe I've actually got the hang of it now? We'll see.
Other than that, my goal is to serve my husband and raise a holy child (or twelve).Some days that means having a nice dinner started by the time Bryant gets home, and some days it just means feeding a baby off and on for the whole afternoon. Yesterday and today I've been able to do both of those! However, I have not been to the store for over two and a half weeks...
This could be one of those blog posts that goes on and on. I don't even remember when I started it, but it'd definitely been a draft for more than just a couple weeks.
In other news, I'm eating leftover shrimp that I just microwaved. Keeping it classy, yo.
So since this post apparently had a point earlier, I'll get back to it. I came across something somebody posted a couple days ago that said (lots of good things, but this is what I remember) "Change one thing a week." I'm applying it to my whole "eating organically/living sustainably" shift. Sure, I want grain-fed meat and real, true sugar and a lot less gluten and cloth napkins, "un-paper" towels, wipes, etc... but I sure can't do it all in one day! There are 52 weeks in a year; imagine your life if you changed 52 things by next fall! And, of course, the same applies to virtue. In high school, I was in a group called the "Handmaids of Mary" and we tried to work on one virtue per week. I skimmed over a quote last night from a saint who said something that translated to me as meaning "The worst way to grow in virtue is in a hurry." The "God, I wanted to be perfect yesterday!" mentality, if you will. So, here goes.
Virtue of the Week: Hospitality. I want Bryant to look forward to coming home even more than he does. I will try to greet him with a kiss and a smile, no matter what else has been going on that day, and save the negativity for at least an hour (negativity= challenges of the day, criticisms, things to do, etc.). If I do that, that hour worth of negativity might just disappear! Because how much of it was really necessary anyway?
Natural Life Goal of the Week? (I'll think of a better name): Cloth wipes. I already have a lot of scraps from starting my t-shirt quilt; all I need to do is bring them from my parents' house and figure out the spray!
Maybe next month starting my birthday week I will write out a few months worth of goals. Nope. Next month I WILL write out a few months of goals, then go back and check them off (or not) each week. Okay. Sounds like a plan! See you then! ;)
Oh! I think it was goals. Goals are what I was going to talk about.
It's crazy, how your productivity and outlook changes when you have a little person for whom you are solely (while Dad's at work) responsible. To be honest, I still have a lot of goals. I just don't really put them in unnecessary time frames anymore. I used to have this crazy organization in which I had a list of urgent and flexible to-dos, and sometimes specific times to do them, etc. Now, my main goal for the day is to drink enough water. Did you know people are supposed to drink half an ounce of water for every pound they weigh every day? And I'll tell you, that put me close to 100 oz. of water when I was pregnant. It's a lot, lot more than "they" say: "8 cups." (Well, unless you're my mom or my friend Angelica who actually weigh less than 120 lbs. In any case, I've been doing well on that these past couple days because I have a 33.8 oz smartwater bottle and I just tell myself I need to drink about three of them a day. (No, I don't still weigh 180-something; the extra is for nursing.) Isn't it interesting how one tiny thing can make a big difference? The water has been one of my goals, gosh, for several years now. It was a New Year's resolution, then more recently a pregnancy thing, and now a nursing thing. But maybe I've actually got the hang of it now? We'll see.
Other than that, my goal is to serve my husband and raise a holy child (or twelve).Some days that means having a nice dinner started by the time Bryant gets home, and some days it just means feeding a baby off and on for the whole afternoon. Yesterday and today I've been able to do both of those! However, I have not been to the store for over two and a half weeks...
This could be one of those blog posts that goes on and on. I don't even remember when I started it, but it'd definitely been a draft for more than just a couple weeks.
In other news, I'm eating leftover shrimp that I just microwaved. Keeping it classy, yo.
So since this post apparently had a point earlier, I'll get back to it. I came across something somebody posted a couple days ago that said (lots of good things, but this is what I remember) "Change one thing a week." I'm applying it to my whole "eating organically/living sustainably" shift. Sure, I want grain-fed meat and real, true sugar and a lot less gluten and cloth napkins, "un-paper" towels, wipes, etc... but I sure can't do it all in one day! There are 52 weeks in a year; imagine your life if you changed 52 things by next fall! And, of course, the same applies to virtue. In high school, I was in a group called the "Handmaids of Mary" and we tried to work on one virtue per week. I skimmed over a quote last night from a saint who said something that translated to me as meaning "The worst way to grow in virtue is in a hurry." The "God, I wanted to be perfect yesterday!" mentality, if you will. So, here goes.
Virtue of the Week: Hospitality. I want Bryant to look forward to coming home even more than he does. I will try to greet him with a kiss and a smile, no matter what else has been going on that day, and save the negativity for at least an hour (negativity= challenges of the day, criticisms, things to do, etc.). If I do that, that hour worth of negativity might just disappear! Because how much of it was really necessary anyway?
Natural Life Goal of the Week? (I'll think of a better name): Cloth wipes. I already have a lot of scraps from starting my t-shirt quilt; all I need to do is bring them from my parents' house and figure out the spray!
Baby #2
JUST KIDDING!!! But it's related.
Well, I'll slap this up there just to catch the tail end...
As excited as I am about NFP Awareness Week, I was torn about writing an NFP post... until I read this one by Kendra at Catholic All Year. Her post helped me realize that even if you're not currently practicing it to a "t," you're still allowed to write about it!
Bryant and I have recently re-discussed (or re-re-re-re-discussed) our current reasons to use NFP to postpone pregnancy. (I know the term is "avoid," but I prefer postpone, at least for our situation.) And, while our savings account is closer to replacing an appliance or two than ready for a down payment on a house, we've decided to take a break from charting. (Notice I didn't say NFP in general.) Our method right now is taking advantage of the ecological breastfeeding side effect of prolonged infertility. That could end in two and a half months (the point at which it starts to decrease from 99% effectiveness), ten months (the average length of infertility for women who practice ecological breastfeeding), or four years! (Sound unlikely, but apparently happens for a few women?) While ecological breastfeeding for the sake of infertility could be done with a contraceptive mindset as easily as NFP, it is another method that is accepted, and even encouraged by the Church (not well, obviously).
When Bryant and I were engaged, I just assumed we needed to learn NFP and we would use it to postpone at least the first couple years of marriage. (The typical, responsible things all young, married Catholics right out of college do.) We went to all our FertilityCare (Creighton Model) meetings, got used to the charting, and, at the end of each meeting when our practitioner always asked how we planned to use the method once we were married, we answered "to avoid pregnancy."
Then came the honeymoon.
And I hate to say it that way, because even at the time, I was concerned what people would think. So just to get it out there: no! Joshua was not conceived in a moment of unthinking, honeymoon-induced passion. There, I said it. As a matter of fact, (TMI alert!!! Skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to know...) I had my first fertile sign of that cycle on the wedding day, so, poor Bryant, as responsible NFP practicers, we did not have a "wedding night" in that sense.
But anyway. Little did I know, although we had discussed and discussed (how much I had always wanted a baby, how we felt it would be a good idea to get out of debt before I got pregnant...), Bryant wasn't as on board with the "me-teaching-two-years-and-paying-everything-off-first" idea. (And how glad I am!) Being such a considerate and patient husband already (three days into it) he waited until we were well into the relaxation of the honeymoon to spring the idea of NOT waiting on me. Ha. Haha. Something I didn't even know about myself: after making and rearranging my pros and cons lists (by worldly priority, and spiritual, and who knows what all else), I came around to Bryant's way of thinking, and "stress-watched" TV. You know how some people "stress-eat" or "stress-sleep"? Well, I turn my brain off by watching stupid TV shows. I think it was King of Queens. Good times.
To be clear, Bryant's way of thinking was simply this: we didn't have a serious reason to postpone. If you couldn't tell by the prior reference to list-making, I'm a planner. I organize, I talk things out, I rearrange, I schedule. (If only I had the follow-through! But I'm working on it.) In my mind, having a plan was enough of a serious reason! But, thankfully, Bryant helped me understand that this was a God-inspired idea (as if you couldn't tell that just by looking at Josh). And so our "how we planned to use the method" changed.
Nine months later! Isn't he cute?
Coming back to the present... I can tell you, trying to do Natural Family Planning (of any kind) while breastfeeding is difficult. Add to it the challenge I already had of a "continuous mucus cycle" that didn't respond to a super-vitamin or progesterone, and you have one frustrated mommy! At our first NFP meeting after Josh was born, I had just learned about ecological breastfeeding and was all gung-ho about wanting to find out when my fertility would return. I wanted to know if I would be the typical fourteen months, or longer, or shorter, or way longer... and I "thought" that was a serious enough reason to "use the method to postpone." (Of course, you all reading this probably can recognize the flaw in my train of thought.) The Catholic Church states (2368) that married couples can use Natural Family Planning to space children for "just" (serious, grave) reasons. Well, let me tell you, if money's not a serious enough reason for us (at this time), then waiting for my fertility to return is certainly superfluous!
But what brought me to this conclusion (if you didn't get the drift, Bryant is always waiting on me- in more ways than this!) was my emotions! As women, we're always fighting to control them, to eliminate the negative ones, to hide them... but here's an example of a negative one that wasn't just there to annoy me. I mentioned earlier that my cycle makes charting difficult, not to mention breastfeeding, and I was frustrated. It's true! Very frustrated. Because it is difficult to find a baseline, and decipher the rest of everything, and I am still not expecting my fertility to return for at least two more months (via the 99% statistic). So I was frustrated. I realized (by the grace of God- I hadn't really brought it to prayer, but He brought it to me!) that my emotions were telling me something. NFP is such a great tool, and it does so many good things for marriages, and infertility, why in the world would I (gasp!) hate it? Well, I came to the conclusion that I *should* feel thankful. And if we had been using it for a just, grave, serious reason (like health, or dire financial straits, or whatever situation), I WOULD feel thankful. I would tell God "Thank You" for the method while I was observing and charting, and mean it. I can tell Him "Thank You" now for other people, but not necessarily for me.
In conclusion, NFP is freeing. It's freeing when it's a tool you desperately need to heal your marriage, or support your family, and it's freeing when you realize you really don't need it! And, right now, it's freeing me to worry about other things rather than charting, and freeing our family to be ready for whenever the next blessing comes around! (Hopefully in a package with PINK bows this time, haha.)
Well, I'll slap this up there just to catch the tail end...
As excited as I am about NFP Awareness Week, I was torn about writing an NFP post... until I read this one by Kendra at Catholic All Year. Her post helped me realize that even if you're not currently practicing it to a "t," you're still allowed to write about it!
Bryant and I have recently re-discussed (or re-re-re-re-discussed) our current reasons to use NFP to postpone pregnancy. (I know the term is "avoid," but I prefer postpone, at least for our situation.) And, while our savings account is closer to replacing an appliance or two than ready for a down payment on a house, we've decided to take a break from charting. (Notice I didn't say NFP in general.) Our method right now is taking advantage of the ecological breastfeeding side effect of prolonged infertility. That could end in two and a half months (the point at which it starts to decrease from 99% effectiveness), ten months (the average length of infertility for women who practice ecological breastfeeding), or four years! (Sound unlikely, but apparently happens for a few women?) While ecological breastfeeding for the sake of infertility could be done with a contraceptive mindset as easily as NFP, it is another method that is accepted, and even encouraged by the Church (not well, obviously).
When Bryant and I were engaged, I just assumed we needed to learn NFP and we would use it to postpone at least the first couple years of marriage. (The typical, responsible things all young, married Catholics right out of college do.) We went to all our FertilityCare (Creighton Model) meetings, got used to the charting, and, at the end of each meeting when our practitioner always asked how we planned to use the method once we were married, we answered "to avoid pregnancy."
Then came the honeymoon.
And I hate to say it that way, because even at the time, I was concerned what people would think. So just to get it out there: no! Joshua was not conceived in a moment of unthinking, honeymoon-induced passion. There, I said it. As a matter of fact, (TMI alert!!! Skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to know...) I had my first fertile sign of that cycle on the wedding day, so, poor Bryant, as responsible NFP practicers, we did not have a "wedding night" in that sense.
But anyway. Little did I know, although we had discussed and discussed (how much I had always wanted a baby, how we felt it would be a good idea to get out of debt before I got pregnant...), Bryant wasn't as on board with the "me-teaching-two-years-and-paying-everything-off-first" idea. (And how glad I am!) Being such a considerate and patient husband already (three days into it) he waited until we were well into the relaxation of the honeymoon to spring the idea of NOT waiting on me. Ha. Haha. Something I didn't even know about myself: after making and rearranging my pros and cons lists (by worldly priority, and spiritual, and who knows what all else), I came around to Bryant's way of thinking, and "stress-watched" TV. You know how some people "stress-eat" or "stress-sleep"? Well, I turn my brain off by watching stupid TV shows. I think it was King of Queens. Good times.
To be clear, Bryant's way of thinking was simply this: we didn't have a serious reason to postpone. If you couldn't tell by the prior reference to list-making, I'm a planner. I organize, I talk things out, I rearrange, I schedule. (If only I had the follow-through! But I'm working on it.) In my mind, having a plan was enough of a serious reason! But, thankfully, Bryant helped me understand that this was a God-inspired idea (as if you couldn't tell that just by looking at Josh). And so our "how we planned to use the method" changed.
Nine months later! Isn't he cute?
Coming back to the present... I can tell you, trying to do Natural Family Planning (of any kind) while breastfeeding is difficult. Add to it the challenge I already had of a "continuous mucus cycle" that didn't respond to a super-vitamin or progesterone, and you have one frustrated mommy! At our first NFP meeting after Josh was born, I had just learned about ecological breastfeeding and was all gung-ho about wanting to find out when my fertility would return. I wanted to know if I would be the typical fourteen months, or longer, or shorter, or way longer... and I "thought" that was a serious enough reason to "use the method to postpone." (Of course, you all reading this probably can recognize the flaw in my train of thought.) The Catholic Church states (2368) that married couples can use Natural Family Planning to space children for "just" (serious, grave) reasons. Well, let me tell you, if money's not a serious enough reason for us (at this time), then waiting for my fertility to return is certainly superfluous!
But what brought me to this conclusion (if you didn't get the drift, Bryant is always waiting on me- in more ways than this!) was my emotions! As women, we're always fighting to control them, to eliminate the negative ones, to hide them... but here's an example of a negative one that wasn't just there to annoy me. I mentioned earlier that my cycle makes charting difficult, not to mention breastfeeding, and I was frustrated. It's true! Very frustrated. Because it is difficult to find a baseline, and decipher the rest of everything, and I am still not expecting my fertility to return for at least two more months (via the 99% statistic). So I was frustrated. I realized (by the grace of God- I hadn't really brought it to prayer, but He brought it to me!) that my emotions were telling me something. NFP is such a great tool, and it does so many good things for marriages, and infertility, why in the world would I (gasp!) hate it? Well, I came to the conclusion that I *should* feel thankful. And if we had been using it for a just, grave, serious reason (like health, or dire financial straits, or whatever situation), I WOULD feel thankful. I would tell God "Thank You" for the method while I was observing and charting, and mean it. I can tell Him "Thank You" now for other people, but not necessarily for me.
In conclusion, NFP is freeing. It's freeing when it's a tool you desperately need to heal your marriage, or support your family, and it's freeing when you realize you really don't need it! And, right now, it's freeing me to worry about other things rather than charting, and freeing our family to be ready for whenever the next blessing comes around! (Hopefully in a package with PINK bows this time, haha.)
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
The Last Five Years
Hi. My name is Sarah Winslow. In the past year, I have graduated from college, gotten married, taught my first year of second grade, and had a baby!
I was really glad to graduate; college was never really in my plans. In high school I realized "Oh! I guess I had better decide what to do after this," because I had always mentally skipped from high school to marriage. I was bitterly disappointed when my parents and I decided that Benedictine was not financially an option, but in retrospect, I'm very thankful for the people I met at Emporia!
I really enjoyed wedding planning! Well, most of the time. Our day went so smoothly and beautifully; God clearly was all over it. My mom was irreplaceable, too. She was on top of the planning, and on top of me being on top of the planning. Bryant and I are so blessed with the community who supported us throughout our engagement, wedding, and now!
Teaching was... tough. I will admit I could have gone in with a different attitude. If I knew I was going to teach for more than one or two years, I'm sure I would have felt better about it, but I knew Josh was on his way, and my strongest desire was to be home with him. So while I met some really awesome people with whom Bryant and I really hope to stay in contact, I won't say it was my favorite year.
And the baby. Oh, the baby. MAN, I love him. He is the best. :) You know, when they say "Having a baby changes everything," they are not kidding. Literally everything in my life has changed over the past year, but especially in the past three months. What I wear, what I eat, what I read, what I do in my "spare time" (ha!), even what I think about! And it's also true that I can't even remember what my life was like before we had him. What did we do all the time?
I'll tell you, I have had an incredibly easy life. God knows I'm weak, and has planned accordingly. But as simple as my life has been so far, I am looking forward to this next season even more! I have the most wonderful, supportive husband, an adorable, amazingly sweet baby, and my primary job is to care for them! Yay!
I was really glad to graduate; college was never really in my plans. In high school I realized "Oh! I guess I had better decide what to do after this," because I had always mentally skipped from high school to marriage. I was bitterly disappointed when my parents and I decided that Benedictine was not financially an option, but in retrospect, I'm very thankful for the people I met at Emporia!
I really enjoyed wedding planning! Well, most of the time. Our day went so smoothly and beautifully; God clearly was all over it. My mom was irreplaceable, too. She was on top of the planning, and on top of me being on top of the planning. Bryant and I are so blessed with the community who supported us throughout our engagement, wedding, and now!
Teaching was... tough. I will admit I could have gone in with a different attitude. If I knew I was going to teach for more than one or two years, I'm sure I would have felt better about it, but I knew Josh was on his way, and my strongest desire was to be home with him. So while I met some really awesome people with whom Bryant and I really hope to stay in contact, I won't say it was my favorite year.
And the baby. Oh, the baby. MAN, I love him. He is the best. :) You know, when they say "Having a baby changes everything," they are not kidding. Literally everything in my life has changed over the past year, but especially in the past three months. What I wear, what I eat, what I read, what I do in my "spare time" (ha!), even what I think about! And it's also true that I can't even remember what my life was like before we had him. What did we do all the time?
I'll tell you, I have had an incredibly easy life. God knows I'm weak, and has planned accordingly. But as simple as my life has been so far, I am looking forward to this next season even more! I have the most wonderful, supportive husband, an adorable, amazingly sweet baby, and my primary job is to care for them! Yay!
Friday, June 21, 2013
Boobies
From merriam-webster.com:
"Definition of breast
either of the pair of mammary glands extending from the front of the chest in pubescent and adult human females and some other mammals"
Nothing about modesty... lingerie... nothing at all about sex, amazingly enough.
An excerpt from the conversation that spurred this post:
"I nursed (without a cover) in the corner of the bookstore today. It was so nice. I was facing the wall, but still.
...I feel more comfortable with it in public than with family. I've decided my brother can get over it (he has), but I don't feel like I can decide that for Bryant's dad and brother, and my uncles..."
The function of breasts is to nourish and comfort children. (Notice I didn't just say "feed babies," but that's for another post.) We know that by God's obvious design!
We went to the Guadalupe Clinic Wingnuts baseball game for Father's Day. I'm not going to say it was HOT!, but it was less than comfortable in the shade. Josh wanted to nurse, but how would you feel about drinking in a tiny, steamy tent?
And during my lunch in the hospital cafeteria while visiting Bryant's grandma; that could have been a LOT easier without trying to manage a fork, water bottle cap, napkin, baby, AND cover.
Convenience aside, I came across this poll: http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?p=6637108 but I'm interested in your opinions.
"It's just hard: we want breastfeeding to stop being sexualized, but who's going to do it (for my seminarian brother-in-law) if I don't?
...Is it leading men into a near occasion of sin/temptation? Or is it bringing things back to God's original design? Or both? And which is more important?"
So that is what I'll leave you with...
"Definition of breast
either of the pair of mammary glands extending from the front of the chest in pubescent and adult human females and some other mammals"
Nothing about modesty... lingerie... nothing at all about sex, amazingly enough.
An excerpt from the conversation that spurred this post:
"I nursed (without a cover) in the corner of the bookstore today. It was so nice. I was facing the wall, but still.
...I feel more comfortable with it in public than with family. I've decided my brother can get over it (he has), but I don't feel like I can decide that for Bryant's dad and brother, and my uncles..."
The function of breasts is to nourish and comfort children. (Notice I didn't just say "feed babies," but that's for another post.) We know that by God's obvious design!
We went to the Guadalupe Clinic Wingnuts baseball game for Father's Day. I'm not going to say it was HOT!, but it was less than comfortable in the shade. Josh wanted to nurse, but how would you feel about drinking in a tiny, steamy tent?
And during my lunch in the hospital cafeteria while visiting Bryant's grandma; that could have been a LOT easier without trying to manage a fork, water bottle cap, napkin, baby, AND cover.
Convenience aside, I came across this poll: http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?p=6637108 but I'm interested in your opinions.
"It's just hard: we want breastfeeding to stop being sexualized, but who's going to do it (for my seminarian brother-in-law) if I don't?
...Is it leading men into a near occasion of sin/temptation? Or is it bringing things back to God's original design? Or both? And which is more important?"
Who doesn't want to see that?
So that is what I'll leave you with...
Thursday, May 30, 2013
The Six-Week Guilt
Well, friends, it's been a while. But such is life! Since, though, this particular subject has been weighing on my heart for weeks, and I had a real life request to keep writing (!), here we are.
Don't worry, when I say "six-week," I do NOT mean I'm going to talk about sex. (To those of you for whom that did not come to mind, it's one of the six-week postpartum checkup allowances...) The closest I'll get to that is what I do with my breasts all day, lol. And I mean ALL DAY.
Which brings me to our subject for this lovely, rainy morning. As you all know, I've always been a strong advocate for stay-at-home moms (henceforth SAHMs). I think it is the most wonderful gift you can give your children: to be the one who actually raises them! But even with my background and personal experience (my mom stayed home until my sister was in 3rd grade), as that "six-week" mark, the official end of maternity leave, approached, I found myself having second thoughts. Not from my desires- I still want nothing more than to snuggle and admire Joshua all day- but from a sense of responsibility to our community, to the world. "I am an intelligent, creative, sometimes inspirational woman, therefore I should be doing more to contribute to society." Right? Isn't that what we're brought up hearing? "What are you going to be when you grow up?" Or even, "What does God want you to do when you grow up?" Rarely is "Be a mom" an acceptable answer to those questions. And even when I got to the point that I started answering honestly, my answer was "Just be a mom" or something similar. Just? JUST be a mom?
Going back to my breasts... I have a part-time job. Feeding and changing a baby, the bare minimum, is a part-time job. (In other news, I am looking for something flexible, preferably baby-friendly, that I could start in the fall. Any suggestions?) Two-month-old babies still eat at least every three hours, and each feeding can take around an hour. And that's not considering chunker babies like mine (97th percentile in weight!), who also decide to start teething already. Those babies have no problem with eating for two hours at a time, one hour apart, every so often. Math-wise, I'm pretty sure that's a part-time job. (Mental math)...Nope, I'm sorry, I'm incorrect. That's already a full-time job! (Minimum of six, one-hour feedings, seven days a week= 42 hours.) And here I am, feeling guilty that all I get done most days is the dishes, laundry, and dinner. One item off my "Spring Cleaning" list has taken me a week and a half to check off. But you know what? Even with all that, I was still having these feelings of "I should be doing more. I should be working, too." Isn't that what our society says? Be productive, be successful as the world sees it, do more, work faster... And here I thought I was so radical and impervious, just by having the desire to be a SAHM.
It's one of the lies the devil tells us. He says we're not good enough, we're not doing enough, and God is obviously asking us to be more. That's not true! When we buy into that kind of thinking, it comes to a point where this quote applies: "If you're too busy to pray, you're too busy." (I can't remember where it actually comes from... Does anybody know?) But truly, when we're trying to do more than that to which God has called us, we are going to start doing too much. Now, I'm not saying our circumstances won't change, and God will never call me to work outside the home again (although it'd be nice), but what in the world is wrong with enjoying being a SAHM? Why shouldn't I relax at home with my baby, as long as I'm being a prudent and supportive wife at the same time? Finally, after almost twenty years of going to school all day, every day, I'm truly living my vocation, and I love it! It is enough. I am enough.
My full-time, excuse me, 24/7 job right now is nurturing a new life, body and soul. Feeding and changing a baby is a full-time job; what I am blessed to get to do is even more. The world gives us this sense of inadequacy if we're not being "productive members of society," and it's difficult for us to rest in our vocations. I'm quite sure Mary never wanted to do more or be more than God called her to; what if she had? We all (particularly me) need to take control of the thoughts that push us out of peace. I know right now Bryant and I are living "the good old days," and I have no intention of wasting them away on these thoughts.
God, help us to be prudent stewards of our thoughts, so they only bring us closer to You.
Don't worry, when I say "six-week," I do NOT mean I'm going to talk about sex. (To those of you for whom that did not come to mind, it's one of the six-week postpartum checkup allowances...) The closest I'll get to that is what I do with my breasts all day, lol. And I mean ALL DAY.
Which brings me to our subject for this lovely, rainy morning. As you all know, I've always been a strong advocate for stay-at-home moms (henceforth SAHMs). I think it is the most wonderful gift you can give your children: to be the one who actually raises them! But even with my background and personal experience (my mom stayed home until my sister was in 3rd grade), as that "six-week" mark, the official end of maternity leave, approached, I found myself having second thoughts. Not from my desires- I still want nothing more than to snuggle and admire Joshua all day- but from a sense of responsibility to our community, to the world. "I am an intelligent, creative, sometimes inspirational woman, therefore I should be doing more to contribute to society." Right? Isn't that what we're brought up hearing? "What are you going to be when you grow up?" Or even, "What does God want you to do when you grow up?" Rarely is "Be a mom" an acceptable answer to those questions. And even when I got to the point that I started answering honestly, my answer was "Just be a mom" or something similar. Just? JUST be a mom?
Going back to my breasts... I have a part-time job. Feeding and changing a baby, the bare minimum, is a part-time job. (In other news, I am looking for something flexible, preferably baby-friendly, that I could start in the fall. Any suggestions?) Two-month-old babies still eat at least every three hours, and each feeding can take around an hour. And that's not considering chunker babies like mine (97th percentile in weight!), who also decide to start teething already. Those babies have no problem with eating for two hours at a time, one hour apart, every so often. Math-wise, I'm pretty sure that's a part-time job. (Mental math)...Nope, I'm sorry, I'm incorrect. That's already a full-time job! (Minimum of six, one-hour feedings, seven days a week= 42 hours.) And here I am, feeling guilty that all I get done most days is the dishes, laundry, and dinner. One item off my "Spring Cleaning" list has taken me a week and a half to check off. But you know what? Even with all that, I was still having these feelings of "I should be doing more. I should be working, too." Isn't that what our society says? Be productive, be successful as the world sees it, do more, work faster... And here I thought I was so radical and impervious, just by having the desire to be a SAHM.
It's one of the lies the devil tells us. He says we're not good enough, we're not doing enough, and God is obviously asking us to be more. That's not true! When we buy into that kind of thinking, it comes to a point where this quote applies: "If you're too busy to pray, you're too busy." (I can't remember where it actually comes from... Does anybody know?) But truly, when we're trying to do more than that to which God has called us, we are going to start doing too much. Now, I'm not saying our circumstances won't change, and God will never call me to work outside the home again (although it'd be nice), but what in the world is wrong with enjoying being a SAHM? Why shouldn't I relax at home with my baby, as long as I'm being a prudent and supportive wife at the same time? Finally, after almost twenty years of going to school all day, every day, I'm truly living my vocation, and I love it! It is enough. I am enough.
My full-time, excuse me, 24/7 job right now is nurturing a new life, body and soul. Feeding and changing a baby is a full-time job; what I am blessed to get to do is even more. The world gives us this sense of inadequacy if we're not being "productive members of society," and it's difficult for us to rest in our vocations. I'm quite sure Mary never wanted to do more or be more than God called her to; what if she had? We all (particularly me) need to take control of the thoughts that push us out of peace. I know right now Bryant and I are living "the good old days," and I have no intention of wasting them away on these thoughts.
God, help us to be prudent stewards of our thoughts, so they only bring us closer to You.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Joshua Allen's Birth Story and Natural Childbirth
I'm going to be totally honest: I remember very little about Tuesday, April 2, 2013. A) I have a terrible memory in the first place, and B) When women say you forget about the pain of labor as soon as the baby is in your arms, it's true.
However! There are a few highlights (and lowlights) I'd like to share/record for next time, and for if he ever wants to know. (Not too likely.)
It started Monday. Had he waited till Wednesday to make his appearance, we would have officially been two weeks "post-date." (Which, let's be for real here, babies cook at different speeds, it's really a due month, so back off, yo.) In any case, because we were "overdue," we went in for a sonogram just to check things out on Monday afternoon. They give a score for the amniotic fluid, the baby's movements, and a few other things, and our technician told us it looked like an 8/8! Sooo we texted a handful of you to say apparently he was going to be in there a while longer (since I hadn't had any contractions at that point), headed to the mall to get new cell phone plans, and got a phone call from our doctor's office. The nurse told me that apparently the doctor who looks back over the ultrasounds was not as happy with our results and gave us a 4/8 instead and we needed to go into the hospital to be induced that night. Hmm, dramatic difference there, wouldn't you say? (And he came out fine, so I'm pretty sure we could have chilled out a bit.) Sooo we spent probably an hour and a half getting our phones set up (I wasn't in a big hurry to be at the hospital), went home to round up the hospital bag(s) and eat something quick, and headed to St. Joe. (Originally we had planned on the Wesley BirthCare Center, but since we were induced and it was our first, we had to go to a hospital anyway.)
This is the first thing I would remind myself to do differently in the future. At that point, we were obviously trying not to freak out (Oh, my gosh, the baby HAS to be born ASAP!), so I really wanted to finish our task of getting the phones figured out. However, a better plan probably would have been to go home and try some of the natural labor induction techniques we had learned about at our Bradley classes. ALSO I should have eaten more. I knew I should have, but I just wasn't feeling hungry and was in a hurry to get to the hospital by the time we got home, so I just had a few crackers with ham and cheese.
In any case, we made it to the hospital around 8:00, and they inserted Cervadil (meant to get the cervix started; I was barely dilated- which I didn't know, because I didn't want the numbers to be a distraction). It came out halfway through the twelve hours it was supposed to stay in, and Dr. Jensen then recommended Cytotec. Another thing that next time, I'll do more to avoid, but by the grace of God, it did its job safely and kicked me into a normal progression of labor.
Obviously after a great night's rest (ha!), I realized I was having contractions. Some time in the night after the Cytotec was placed, I started feeling crampy, but didn't realize we were on our way until mid-morning. From then on, (as I learned later), I dilated about a centimeter an hour, aided by Bradley relaxation while pacing the room, "slow dancing" with Bryant, leaning over the back of a chair, walking the hall, using the birth ball, and relaxing in the whirlpool. We trusted my body to do its job, and God to get us through safely, and it did and He did! Joshua Allen was born after about fifteen minutes of pushing in the squatting position (NOT lying on my back) at 11:47 P.M. with a head full of hair and ready to try to nurse.
I did skip one part. The part I will DEFINITELY do differently next time. There was an hour and a half in there of trying NOT to push first. The resident checked me and told me I was at a 9, and I needed to wait, and then, when I finally was at a 10, we had to wait another half hour for the doctor. When I was at a 9, my body was 100% ready to push, and next time, if something like that happens, I'm pretty sure I will just tell whoever is in there, "Sorry, not doing that again!" and start pushing, because that was the worst hour and a half of the whole process (I might even say my life!).
Buuuuuuut I still think it's a beautiful story! Bryant and I got to enjoy our baby (I had him skin-to-skin right away) for about an hour while they got me all put back together ("first and a half" degree tear, according to Dr. Jensen) and the room cleaned up (natural childbirth is MESSY and one of the reasons I'm hesitant to consider homebirth, haha), and, SURPRISE, our families were already at the hospital waiting, and had been for hours before we'd even told them to come. Imagine that. But all four grandparents, an aunt, and an uncle all got to see him and hold him before we even moved to the recovery room.
Side note: we had some EXCELLENT nurses. They were very considerate of our birth plan and our vision of the process, stayed out of the way as much as possible, but were there to support when we wanted them. If we do another hospital birth, we will probably be going to St. Joe again.
Speaking of support, my husband. Bryant not only went to twelve weeks of the Bradley Method classes with me, read his homework, and humored me every time I wanted to go back over some detail of the birth plan, he also was there to truly coach me through each contraction. He reminded me to relax, HOW to relax, different positions to try, and why we were doing this in the first place. He told me how well I was doing and how strong I was (although my response to that at one point was, "I don't want to be strong, I want to be done!"), and pretty much was just awesome. I still don't think I've thanked him well enough.
Other than having a rock star for a husband, if you're wanting to have a natural birth, the two things I can tell you are:
However! There are a few highlights (and lowlights) I'd like to share/record for next time, and for if he ever wants to know. (Not too likely.)
It started Monday. Had he waited till Wednesday to make his appearance, we would have officially been two weeks "post-date." (Which, let's be for real here, babies cook at different speeds, it's really a due month, so back off, yo.) In any case, because we were "overdue," we went in for a sonogram just to check things out on Monday afternoon. They give a score for the amniotic fluid, the baby's movements, and a few other things, and our technician told us it looked like an 8/8! Sooo we texted a handful of you to say apparently he was going to be in there a while longer (since I hadn't had any contractions at that point), headed to the mall to get new cell phone plans, and got a phone call from our doctor's office. The nurse told me that apparently the doctor who looks back over the ultrasounds was not as happy with our results and gave us a 4/8 instead and we needed to go into the hospital to be induced that night. Hmm, dramatic difference there, wouldn't you say? (And he came out fine, so I'm pretty sure we could have chilled out a bit.) Sooo we spent probably an hour and a half getting our phones set up (I wasn't in a big hurry to be at the hospital), went home to round up the hospital bag(s) and eat something quick, and headed to St. Joe. (Originally we had planned on the Wesley BirthCare Center, but since we were induced and it was our first, we had to go to a hospital anyway.)
This is the first thing I would remind myself to do differently in the future. At that point, we were obviously trying not to freak out (Oh, my gosh, the baby HAS to be born ASAP!), so I really wanted to finish our task of getting the phones figured out. However, a better plan probably would have been to go home and try some of the natural labor induction techniques we had learned about at our Bradley classes. ALSO I should have eaten more. I knew I should have, but I just wasn't feeling hungry and was in a hurry to get to the hospital by the time we got home, so I just had a few crackers with ham and cheese.
In any case, we made it to the hospital around 8:00, and they inserted Cervadil (meant to get the cervix started; I was barely dilated- which I didn't know, because I didn't want the numbers to be a distraction). It came out halfway through the twelve hours it was supposed to stay in, and Dr. Jensen then recommended Cytotec. Another thing that next time, I'll do more to avoid, but by the grace of God, it did its job safely and kicked me into a normal progression of labor.
Obviously after a great night's rest (ha!), I realized I was having contractions. Some time in the night after the Cytotec was placed, I started feeling crampy, but didn't realize we were on our way until mid-morning. From then on, (as I learned later), I dilated about a centimeter an hour, aided by Bradley relaxation while pacing the room, "slow dancing" with Bryant, leaning over the back of a chair, walking the hall, using the birth ball, and relaxing in the whirlpool. We trusted my body to do its job, and God to get us through safely, and it did and He did! Joshua Allen was born after about fifteen minutes of pushing in the squatting position (NOT lying on my back) at 11:47 P.M. with a head full of hair and ready to try to nurse.
I did skip one part. The part I will DEFINITELY do differently next time. There was an hour and a half in there of trying NOT to push first. The resident checked me and told me I was at a 9, and I needed to wait, and then, when I finally was at a 10, we had to wait another half hour for the doctor. When I was at a 9, my body was 100% ready to push, and next time, if something like that happens, I'm pretty sure I will just tell whoever is in there, "Sorry, not doing that again!" and start pushing, because that was the worst hour and a half of the whole process (I might even say my life!).
Buuuuuuut I still think it's a beautiful story! Bryant and I got to enjoy our baby (I had him skin-to-skin right away) for about an hour while they got me all put back together ("first and a half" degree tear, according to Dr. Jensen) and the room cleaned up (natural childbirth is MESSY and one of the reasons I'm hesitant to consider homebirth, haha), and, SURPRISE, our families were already at the hospital waiting, and had been for hours before we'd even told them to come. Imagine that. But all four grandparents, an aunt, and an uncle all got to see him and hold him before we even moved to the recovery room.
Side note: we had some EXCELLENT nurses. They were very considerate of our birth plan and our vision of the process, stayed out of the way as much as possible, but were there to support when we wanted them. If we do another hospital birth, we will probably be going to St. Joe again.
Speaking of support, my husband. Bryant not only went to twelve weeks of the Bradley Method classes with me, read his homework, and humored me every time I wanted to go back over some detail of the birth plan, he also was there to truly coach me through each contraction. He reminded me to relax, HOW to relax, different positions to try, and why we were doing this in the first place. He told me how well I was doing and how strong I was (although my response to that at one point was, "I don't want to be strong, I want to be done!"), and pretty much was just awesome. I still don't think I've thanked him well enough.
Other than having a rock star for a husband, if you're wanting to have a natural birth, the two things I can tell you are:
- Be informed! Be over-informed! Learn all you can about your body and how it will do its job if you let it. Learn about the "routine interventions" that, sadly, the majority of doctors do but aren't really necessary. We took the Bradley Method classes, which are wonderful and I highly recommend them, but if you can't do that, read "Husband-Coached Childbirth" and "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way."
- Have a birth plan. Obviously you can't do number 2 without doing number 1, but having it laid out helps you to have realistic expectations (if you're informed), and gives your hospital staff something concrete to work from. Have your doctor approve your birth plan before you go in to have the baby, so you know everything on it is allowed/not against any policies.
Of course, nobody can promise everything will go according to your birth plan. Being induced definitely wasn't on ours. But when something does need to be altered, it's definitely good to have something to come back to.
And #3 would have to be: Do it! It's better for your baby and it's better for you, (unless you're the small percentage of actual complications) and it's a real initiation experience into womanhood! Very empowering, and a very huge blessing.
Fulfillment
Being a mom is the best. Don't get me wrong, I love being a wife, but this is a totally new level of vocation. Any of you who know me (and I doubt anyone who doesn't know me is reading this... Yet! Maybe someday I'll become a super popular blogger- ha!) know that I have always wanted to be a mom. Gosh, even I don't remember when that started, but I do know in high school, I used to tell people I wanted "five to eighteen kids, but preferably eight to twelve." Well, folks, one down, four to seventeen to go! Apparently after labor, or with sleep deprivation, a lot of women second guess expanding their families, but honestly, I can't wait to do it again!
I've been thinking about Josh's baptism, when he received his vocation. A quote from one of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally: "...when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." I really feel that applies to our vocations, too. When we find out the way God has planned for us to achieve sainthood, we should be excited about it, and ready to start as soon as possible. And even if we're not, sooner or later, we get to the point where I am now and can say, "Sure, my life was great before, but now, WOW! It's going to be awesome!"
I remember in high school, going through the "religious life?" crises that all devout Catholic girls do, and coming up with *reasons* I was called to marriage. We all know God doesn't always work like that, but, hey, it's my personality. Like trying to come up with reasons to defend the way we're choosing to parent, instead of just doing it. But anyway. I came up with things like having a good relationship with my dad and brother (which obviously means I couldn't be a religious... not), and how I'd always loved children (I'd wager that most sisters and nuns love children!), and other silly things like that. Now that I know better... I'm still doing it! Oh, humanity. But this time, it's recognizing ways that God created me to be a mother.
Maybe it's just so that I would have motivation to continue (hoping the next would be as good as this one), but, guys, I wouldn't change a thing about my pregnancy and delivery. Sure, I was exhausted the first trimester (couldn't have had anything to do with the first year of teaching, though), and had some heartburn towards the end, but overall, it was picture perfect. And sure, we had to be induced, and not the ways I would have planned, and natural childbirth is messy and challenging (more on that later), but I truly felt informed and in control of the process, and amazed and how well our bodies work if we just get out of the way. These experiences (along with comments from the doctors and nurses involved) have led me to believe that not only has my heart been primed for motherhood, my body was created for it, too. And yes, every woman's body was created for motherhood, but some of us, God alone knows why, have bodies that embrace it! I had no morning sickness, very slight touches of the other "pregnancy symptoms," nothing at all unbearable. And that may absolutely be because God knows what a weakling I am. Or it may be because once this kid hits toddlerhood or his teens, he'll make up for it. But even now, five and a half weeks into it, I can't imagine anything going any more perfectly or easily. (Labor aside= Not easy!)
In other words, consolation. Reaffirmation of my vocation.
Friday, May 3, 2013
"Crunchy"
I recently came across this word in one of our natural childbirth videos, and now I'm hearing it everywhere! I used to call it hippie, and still do sometimes, jokingly, around friends who probably wouldn't recognize "crunchy." If you're one of those people, crunchy refers to people who make natural and/or eco-friendly lifestyle choices.
I'll be honest, our- okay, mostly my- crunchy choices come more from priorities of health and financial stability, rather than concern for the environment. Maybe eventually I'll be more convicted in that area. Bryant is supportive, but he's kind of along for the ride.
I'd say at this point we're beginner or first tier crunchy. Most of the things I'd consider most crunchy about our household have to do with Baby Joshua/parenting. Starting with NFP! I'd consider Natural Family Planning kind of crunchy, considering all the inauthentic options, although of course our motivation for it is more on the moral/spiritual realm. The same with the Bradley Husband-Coached Natural Childbirth Method: we started the classes because I had an emotional desire for a natural birth, not because I necessarily wanted to avoid drugs at all costs. As the classes went, and I became more educated, my motivation widened and deepened, but that's another soapbox! Now, there are all the parenting choices. Cloth diapering, ecological breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping... things that are normal in other cultures, but foreign to us. (I could go on a soapbox on each of those, too, but for now, we'll just make a list.)
Now, I could go either way at this point: all the things I wish we did, or some of the small things we are already doing... I guess I'll start with the worst one: We don't recycle! Gasp! Sooo not crunchy. I used to in Emporia, but since we moved here, I haven't found out where to drop things off and such. Terrible excuse, I know. But I suppose it can go on the short-term goal list.
Anyway, I guess my question is (to borrow from the Sweet Cheeks facebook post): Do you consider yourself crunchy? What are some of your goals for crunchiness?
I'll be honest, our- okay, mostly my- crunchy choices come more from priorities of health and financial stability, rather than concern for the environment. Maybe eventually I'll be more convicted in that area. Bryant is supportive, but he's kind of along for the ride.
I'd say at this point we're beginner or first tier crunchy. Most of the things I'd consider most crunchy about our household have to do with Baby Joshua/parenting. Starting with NFP! I'd consider Natural Family Planning kind of crunchy, considering all the inauthentic options, although of course our motivation for it is more on the moral/spiritual realm. The same with the Bradley Husband-Coached Natural Childbirth Method: we started the classes because I had an emotional desire for a natural birth, not because I necessarily wanted to avoid drugs at all costs. As the classes went, and I became more educated, my motivation widened and deepened, but that's another soapbox! Now, there are all the parenting choices. Cloth diapering, ecological breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping... things that are normal in other cultures, but foreign to us. (I could go on a soapbox on each of those, too, but for now, we'll just make a list.)
Now, I could go either way at this point: all the things I wish we did, or some of the small things we are already doing... I guess I'll start with the worst one: We don't recycle! Gasp! Sooo not crunchy. I used to in Emporia, but since we moved here, I haven't found out where to drop things off and such. Terrible excuse, I know. But I suppose it can go on the short-term goal list.
- Start recycling again
- Make laundry detergent
- Find less scary alternatives to typical household cleaners
- Continue improving food choices (including less going out)
Anyway, I guess my question is (to borrow from the Sweet Cheeks facebook post): Do you consider yourself crunchy? What are some of your goals for crunchiness?
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